Image by shadowblaze666

This is a guest post by Joseph Matthews (ArtOfApproaching.com)

It’s the age old question every “nice guy” ends up asking himself at one time or another…

“I’m a good guy, so why is it all the jerks get the women and I’m stuck being alone?”

Sometimes, it’s easy to believe that Jerks have some type of magical power that allows them to sucker women into liking them and somehow have them hang around while they treat them like dirt.

This happens SO MUCH, that some guys believe that they actually have to BECOME Jerks to get women attracted to them.

But make no mistake about it - nobody likes a jerk. Not even the women who date them! So if that’s the case, why is it obvious that they get so many girls to go for them?

Well, remember that Jerk’s tend to go through lots of women quickly. Most girls will only put up with Jerk behavior for so long before they get sick of it. And those who stick around have such low self esteem as it is, that they’ve formed some type of strange attachment to the emotional abuse Jerks doll out.

That said, there are a number of things Jerks do to attract women that make them effective seducers and pick up artists. And these are things that “nice guys” can do, and get the same results.

Here are the top 5 things Jerks do to get women, and how you can do them too - WITHOUT having to become a prick…

1. Jerk’s are self-centered

   One of the big things a Jerk has going for him is that he really doesn’t care about other people. In fact, his focus is almost entirely on his own pleasures, thoughts, and feelings.

   Because of this, when he sees something he wants, he goes after it!

   When your average “nice guy” sees a hot girl, he might be intimidated. He wants her to like him. He wants approval from her. In short - he cares about what she thinks!

   But in addition to that, most guys care about what other’s think too! They worry about a girl rejecting them in front of other people, and what those people will think when they see it happen.

   Jerks do not have this problem. They couldn’t care less about what other people are thinking. The Jerk is only focused on getting what he wants.

   When you allow yourself to focus on your goals, and set aside fears of judgment from others, this gives you a great deal of focus, and as we all know, focus is KEY to achieving what we desire.

2. Jerks aren’t afraid to approach women

   The single, most important step in getting a woman is walking up to her and talking to her.

   So many guys just DON’T DO THIS. They are too shy, or too intimidated by the girl to do so. Instead, they hang back and just stare at her like a big dummy, wishing he could find the balls to meet her.

   Jerks don’t hesitate to approach a girl. They’re not worried about whether or not she’s going to like them, because THEY DON’T CARE.

   They’re thinking about how hot it’s going to be to make out with her. They’re thinking about how much fun it will be to get her in bed. The LAST thing on their mind is “fear of rejection.”

   To a Jerk, if a girl rejects him, there’s something wrong with HER, not him. Nice guys will say “Oh, I’m too ugly, she doesn’t like me.” Jerks will say “That bitch is a total lesbian.”

   Just the act of being able to approach a girl and start talking to her puts the Jerk at an advantage, because he’s interacting with the girl, and the “nice guy” isn’t. To the girl, the nice guy doesn’t exist!

   That’s why women typically have such low opinions of men, because it’s always the Jerks who are approaching the women while the shy guys sit off in the corner!

   Jerks realize it’s not the woman’s job to approach the guy. If you want something, you have to go after it.

   So if the Nice Guys were to start walking up and talking to women, they might be surprised to find most women WELCOME their company and really want to meet a good fella to treat them right!

3. Jerk’s don’t censor themselves

   Part of the reason Jerk’s come off as fun, interesting, or exciting is because they aren’t worried about offending anybody. They will talk about whatever, joke about whatever, and even broach “sensitive” topics of conversation without a blink of an eye.

   Too many “nice guys” hold back when they talk to a girl they like. They NEVER bring up sex. They don’t even joke about it. Heck, they don’t even display any sign they even LIKE the girl.

   Because of this, the Nice Guys become the Boring Guys.

   The Jerk will come along, make an off-color joke, tell the girl a racy story, and even MAKE FUN of the girl!

   He could care less if he offends somebody. To the Jerk, he’s just doing what comes naturally to him. Attitude like this is like a breath of fresh air to many women, because they mistake it as “confidence.”

   But the more they are around the Jerk, the more they realize it isn’t confidence at all - its just narcissism, and a complete lack of caring about others.

   A nice guy would do well to “loosen up” when first meeting a girl and not try and please her so much, just like the Jerk does. But in the long term, it’s okay to care about what a girl thinks and be on your best behavior. But do this ONLY after you’ve created an attraction with her.

4. Jerks are honest about what they want.

   When a Jerk approaches a woman, he makes no bones about what he’s after. He flirts with her, lusts after her, and tries to convince her to come home and have sex with him.

   The girl knows RIGHT AWAY what the Jerk wants, and after he’s made it clear, it is up to her to decide if she wants to give it to him.

   If not, the Jerk moves on and finds another girl. If so, then the Jerk takes her by the hand and drags her off.

   This type of honesty is actually appreciated by women. In contrast, you have the nice guys who try and fly under the radar by being an asexual “friend.” He hangs out, listens to the girl’s problems, tries to help her when she needs it, and then all of a sudden, he springs the fact on her that he’s deeply in love!

   And the girl FREAKS OUT.

   The reason for this is that the “nice guy,” in trying to not get rejected quickly by misrepresenting his intentions, has basically built a relationship with the girl based on LIES.

   And because of that, the girl has already pegged him as a “friend.”

   So when the guy wants to be “more than friends,” the girl feels betrayed, because she’s become accustomed to thinking of him in a certain way, and now he’s demanding she look at him differently.

   (Not surprisingly, shortly after this happens, most girls even stop being “friends” with the guy!)

   Nice guys should make their intentions clear from the start. Flirt with a girl. Let her know you like her and want to date her! If she rejects you, move on until you find a girl who likes what you have to offer.

   That’s what the Jerks do, and it works out great for them!

5. Jerk’s safeguard their self esteem

   All too often, getting rejected from one girl will send a “nice guy” down a spiral of depression. His self esteem will hit rock bottom, and he’ll get depressed and withdraw for the rest of the night.

   Jerk’s don’t suffer from this problem. They safeguard their self-esteem viciously, and don’t allow rejection to get them down.

   This is why Jerks are Jerks! Because they will completely IGNORE rejection, and even go so far as to put down and ridicule other people to make themselves feel more important than they are.

   This constant guarding of their self esteem allows them to keep pursuing their goals by not allowing them to fall into a funk of depression.

   And no matter how you cut it - a guy with high self esteem is always way more attractive to women than a depressed loser.

   For the average nice guy, it’s important not to take rejection personally. If a girl isn’t into you, it doesn’t mean you’re not attractive, or cool, or interesting - it just means that girl isn’t right for you!

   So you keep looking for one that is, and you don’t stop until you find her.

   Rejection can be a hard thing for anyone to deal with. But remember to keep a positive outlook. Instead of seeing it as “losing a girl,” think of it like “I just eliminated a girl who’d have wasted my time if I pursued her.”

   You don’t need to ridicule or bad mouth others to feel good about yourself like Jerks do, but you should protect your self esteem as viciously as possible, because that will keep you going.

Understand - picking up women is a numbers game. The more women you meet, the more likely it is you’ll get one! Jerk’s succeed due to their tenacity and ability to play the numbers. Nice guys go for one or two women a night while Jerks hit up 20-30.

And it’s these five traits that allow them to do that!

But if you really want to learn the secrets of building your confidence, safeguarding your self esteem, and approaching women without getting rejected, you should head on over to my website and sign up for my free newsletter.

Every day, I send out advice and tips on how to be more confident and how to approach more women.

So click here to sign up for my free approaching women course.

And remember - you don’t have to be a Jerk to attract women! You just have to be the type of guy who isn’t afraid to go after what he wants.

Joseph Matthews is an expert in the dating advice field. Since 2004, he has been teaching men how to build their confidence and meet and date more women. He is the author of the best-selling book The Art Of Approaching. You can learn more about Joseph and his teachings by visiting his website at www.artofapproaching.com.

Image by Mikhaela Reid

It’s a Friday night, you’re dressed to thrill and you’re sat in a lovely restaurant with a sexy looking lady. You’re both sipping on champagne and enjoying each others company. Then, out of nowhere, you deliver a burp so powerful that it resonates throughout the restaurant - leaving your date, and the patrons of said restaurant, in a stunned state of silence.

We’d like to think that most men are aware of proper dating etiquette but, for the socially-inept among us, we’d like to educate you on a few dating sins and how to avoid them. Knowing how to act when you’re dating a woman will make you seem normal and gentlemanly, as opposed to weird, possessive and a potential stalker risk!

Sin #7 - Lavishing her with flowers and gifts

Now we’re not saying you should never send your woman flowers. In fact, it can be a very romantic gesture to give her flowers and gifts. It crosses the grey area of stalkersville when you send a hundred red roses and a giant teddy with “I <3 You" on his tummy to her office after just two dates together. Moderation is the key here and if you bombard her with gifts too soon, you could find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order.

How to avoid it:

You can be romantic without going over the top on grand gestures. Next time you’re on a date, bring her a single red rose as a gift (assuming of course that you’re taking her to a nice restaurant and not the McDonalds drive-thru). It’s sweet, classy and thoughtful without emitting psycho vibes.

Sin #6 - Letting her get her own way every time

Despite what they may tell you, women actually love a challenge more than men. Once they feel like they’ve got you completely figured out - the thrill wears off and they will start to lose interest in you. Nobody wants a walkover partner who will just agree to everything you say. It’s just plain boring and before you know it, she’s stepping out with someone else while you’re stuck at home folding your laundry into neat piles because “that’s the way she told me to do it”.

How to avoid it:

Challenge her! Don’t be a doormat and stand your ground when you want to do something. Football night with the guys coincides with your movie night? Sorry, love, but football wins. Break a few dates with her at the last minute to show that you’re still not totally about her. It’ll drive her crazy but she will enjoy the chase of trying to get you.

Sin #5 - Bombarding her with phone calls

This is a similar scenario to sending her lots of gifts and flowers with an added twist: drunk dialing. A great deal of men will practically harass women with phone calls and texts looking to get together again. Women see it as a desperate desire to have sex with them and contrary to popular male belief - it’s not a turn on! Drunk dialing is worse still because chances are it will be late at night and you’ll leave a drunken message on her answer phone. Your slurred speech and occasional hiccup isn’t going to make her come over and sleep with you; despite your declaration that you’ll “fu*k her brains out”.

How to avoid it:

Don’t be so desperate. If she said she would call then wait for her to make the first move. Go out and meet other people instead of sitting by the phone waiting for a call. It’s very unbecoming for a gentleman to get fixated on one person. If you’re going to get drunk then leave your phone at home. If you do take it out, nominate a wing man to stop you from calling or texting any women while you’re wasted. You’ll thank him in the morning.

Sin #4 - Checking out other women

Occasionally we all like to observe an attractive looking female while in the company of our date but, believe it or not, most women don’t like it. Worse still, some brave souls actually make their observations vocal. “She’s hot - look at that ass!” for example. This is a particular problem when at the movies, watching TV or watching a DVD on movie night and you make casual observations about Natalie Portman’s stripping technique and how she could swing on your pole anytime she liked.

How to avoid it:

The main way to avoid it is to not vocalize your opinions to your lady friend. If you want to get anywhere with her, you’ll keep your mouth shut. Be more subtle with your roaming eye to reduce the chances of getting caught. Following the seconds hand on a clock for five minutes will improve your focus but may not stop your eyes from wandering if a leggy blonde waltzs past you. If you do get busted, make an observation about the subject. For example, “Her dress is nice. I think you’d look even better in it with your sexy long legs.”

Sin #3 - Being too over-protective and jealous

Nothing can sabotage a relationship quicker than an over-protective boyfriend. Her friends will hate you first and foremost; which means they’ll be telling her to ditch you and find someone better. If you start getting jealous of her friendship with another guy, she’s going to see that as a sign you’re not trustworthy yourself. In her eyes, if you think she’d cheat in that kind of situation then it’s because you yourself would also cheat in the same scenario. Get it?

How to avoid it:

Next time she talks about going to the bars with her friends, ask to join them. Make yourself a part of her social circle and you’ll be praised by her friends for years to come. You’ve all got your girlfriend in common so it shouldn’t be too difficult to make friends and all have a good time together. Make sure you don’t hit on her hot friend though - it will come back to haunt you!

Sin #2 - Copping a feel in public

Unless you’ve been together a while or your girl is an exhibitionist (lucky you!), grabbing her boobs and ass in public is a sure-fire way to get a slap in the mouth and end the date. If your girl is drunk and you’re copping a feel, be warned. It’s ungentlemanly and it will eventually get back to her that you were taking advantage of her drunken state. Obviously, if a girl grabs your junk on the dance floor first, she has initiated the gropefest and you can now fondle at will!

How to avoid it:

Keep in mind that if you play your cards right, you could have your hands all over her body for hours without the risk of any feminine backlash. Treat her like a gentleman, flirt with her and you will be able to do much more than cop a quick feel. If she’s too drunk, take care of her and don’t take advantage. She’ll appreciate it in the morning - once she sobers up.

Sin #1 - “Smile for me, baby.”

Although there are probably many more sins such as lack of spontaneity or being too negative about anything and everything, commanding a girl to smile is a pet peeve for a lot of women! You are invalidating her feelings by making her pretend she’s having a good time when, clearly, she isn’t. It’s also a bit condescending to be flat out told to smile and there is always a good reason why she isn’t grinning.

How to avoid it:

Instead of asking her to smile falsely, actually learn how to make women laugh and use your new found knowledge to build a connection with her. If you’re doing it right, she’ll smile without needing any prompts or commands from you.

Obviously there are many more sins to avoid when dating such as burping, farting and telling stupid jokes you read in an e-mail. Leave some comments with the worst things girls (or guys) have done while you were on a date with them and we’ll all have a good laugh at their expense.

Image by Cayusa

How did you learn about the finer points of sex? Maybe you watched that awkward sex education video that was filmed a good 20 years before your time and made sex out to be a clinical and methodical process. Some schools had in-class demonstrations of your 60-something teacher delicately peeling a condom down over a banana like some giant, yellow (and slightly curved) penis. The mere thought of that image alone is enough to remain celibate and move to a monastery in Tibet for the rest of your life! Other people found out about sex by getting stuck in to a good old fumble session in the drama studio during a free period. Whatever your story, it’s likely you had the talk from your old man at some point as well.

Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, particularly for a dad with his teenage son. A sex ed talk from your father usually consists of the following:

• Wear a condom.
• Treat the girl with respect.
• Don’t rush her.
• Save yourself for the right girl.

Of course, none of this prepares us for the harsh reality of a proper sexual encounter. Our fathers have failed us in our pursuit for sexual enlightenment. With this in mind, I present to you The 10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex (But Really Should Have).

#10 - Sex Fetishes

Image by lowfreq

I really wish my father had told me what a fetish was before I started having sex. The first time a woman asked me if I was into “Formicophilia” I thought she was speaking Italian to me. It turns out she got a real sexual kick out of having bugs, insects and creepy crawlies all over her genitals and wanted to share this delightful experience with me. Apparently fetishes are a normal variation of human sexuality which range from vanilla to just plain weird. I don’t mind a bit of biting and spanking every now and again but I draw the line at inviting cockroaches to the party. Make sure you know a bit about fetishes before engaging in sex because nobody wants to find out their girlfriend has a scat fetish after the fact.

#9 - It’s not like a porno movie

Image by sneet

Imagine my surprise when, after years of watching Jenna Jameson bounce up and down on multiple guys and screaming with pleasure, I finally lost my virginity to a shy little red head with a freckled face, glasses and braces on her teeth. I thought sex would be all about screaming, dirty orgasms and filthy talk. Not only that, I thought that every seemingly innocent situation could be initiated into impromptu sex. If my friends mum offered me a cup of tea while we waited for him to get home from work, I thought she might jump my bones any second. Alas, it never happened. As for the red head, it was less like a speeding train and more like a brisk walk. Sex is nothing like it appears in porn. (unless you happen to be dating a porn star)

#8 - Pace yourself

Image by karigaile

As a knock-on effect of the porn delusions I suffered from, I thought that going at it hammer-and-tongs for long periods of time was the norm. Those porn stars could last forever and so I was utterly disappointed when my encounter with the shy red head lasted a mere 2 minutes before I rolled over and fell asleep. If you’ve never heard the story of the tortoise and the hare, I’m sure it related to sex. Women want a stallion who can last the distance and although sometimes a quickie can be just as fun, nobody wants it to be over before it’s even begun.

#7 - Headaches are no excuse not to have sex

Image by mareen

At 21, my girlfriend of the time regularly used to tell me she wasn’t in the mood for a bit of nookie because she ‘had a headache’. New evidence has come to light though which says that the female orgasm releases endorphins (a natural painkiller). This means that sex is a headache cure. I’d go as far as to use this to try and have sex with your girlfriend for any number of ailments. Broken leg? Sex can ease your pain, baby. Your (hot)friend has a broken heart? I’ll give her an orgasm to make her feel better. Genital herpes? Er…you’re on your own there, darling.

#6 - Threesomes are not as common as you think

Image by willradik

A combination of porn and ‘true story’ articles in Maxim and FHM had me growing up thinking that a threesome was a natural part of everyday life and would happen regularly. After losing a couple of girlfriends through requests for their big-bosomed friend to join us for a session, I began to lose faith. Some people claim that “Ménage á trois” is actually French for “In your dreams”. While I’m sure many people have had threesomes (or more) with other women, the sad reality is that the threesomes we could have would most often involve not another woman, but another man.

#5 - Impotence is a grounds for divorce

Image by szane67

In over 20 states in America, impotence can be cited as the grounds for a marriage breakdown and subsequent divorce. I’m sure a few wealthy businessmen who didn’t see the need for a pre-nup are now kicking themselves for their shortsightedness. It’s not enough that men have the burden of pleasuring the woman they love and rising to the occasion every time. Now we have the added pressure that if we can’t get it up and give our wife a good seeing to, she can divorce us. If you weren’t suffering from penile dysfunction before, you may well do now! I think there should be another reason for divorce created to cite women who don’t have the necessary fellatio skills to keep a man at full mast. Believe me, I’ve met a few of them.

#4 - Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm

Image by diglesias

What? My dad never told me that. All these years I’ve been performing the sexual equivalent of stuffing a turkey and I never knew it. A lot of guys don’t even think about her pleasure during sex because it’s so easy to get lost in the moment. Thinking about it from a female perspective though, it makes sense. In, out. In, out. In, out. Yeah, I can see how that might get a bit boring after a while. The key is to master the clit using your fingers, tongue and any other body part you think can do the job. One of the best positions to get her clit going is doggy style with a manual reacharound. Try it and become a stud today.

#3 - Your penis can explode

Image by tribewantedgilligan

I’ve watched an entire TV documentary on sex disasters and things that go wrong during sex and it has changed the way I look at sex forever. I remember one in particular involving a Romanian man and his sexy 18 year-old girlfriend. If you’ve ever had an erection so hard you felt like it could burst, imagine how this guy felt. His erection was so hard, firm and manly that the blood cavities in the penis actually burst. Can I get an overwhelming “Ouch!” from the guys reading this? And it’s not just your penis exploding you need to worry about. There’s something a lot more common that nobody told me about until it happened to me. The dreaded ‘banjo string’. If you don’t know what the banjo string is, it’s the piece of skin between the penis and the foreskin and is officially known as the frenulum. If you’ve been circumcised congratulations, you probably haven’t even got a banjo string. If you haven’t, there is a good chance that rough sex can ’snap’ this little bit of skin and it bloody hurts. And bleeds. A lot.

#2 - Only 1 in 400 men can give themselves oral sex

Image by DanOrange

While it’s not surprising that only 1 man out of every 400 has the size and/or flexibility to perform fellatio on themselves, what is really embarrassing is that most of, if not all of, the 400 men have tried to give themselves oral. I find it a slap in the face to evolution that men created the wheel, flew to the moon, invented electricity and learnt to fly, yet they still attempted to suck themselves off in the bathroom. If you’re laughing while you read this, then chances are you’ve tried this yourself. If you have a smug grin on your face while you read this, then maybe you should consider a career in porn.

#1 - Men have a G-spot too

Image by mzocher

Men actually have a spot which, when stimulated, can induce pleasure in much the same way as the female G-spot. The irony of this is that to pleasure ourselves in this way we have to explore areas of our body that most straight men would prefer not to explore. For some reason, our prostate is the source of this pleasure and it happens to be buried deep in our dirtbox. If you want to explore the joy of rubbing this sacred spot, you need to insert one (or two if you’re feeling brave) fingers directly into your anus. I experienced this completely by accident one evening when an ex-girlfriend decided to surprise me with an impromptu anal probing. Needless to say, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing as a result. If you’re brave enough to try it, lube up. Trust me, it won’t be anywhere near as enjoyable going in dry.

I had to learn all of this (and much, much more) through my own investigation and experimentation because my father only ever gave me two pieces of advice before I became sexually active:

1. Shag as many women as you can while you’re still young.
2. Don’t get her pregnant or bring home any infections.

If you have any sex information or advice that you think people should know about, or you want to share the key points of your own sex talk with your dad, leave a message in the comments. Ladies, feel free to comment too on things guys do wrong in the sack or things they should do more often and if your mother gave you some brilliant sex advice then for the love of God, please share it with us too.

Image by maveric2003 *Image changed because she DID look like a 10 year-old girl!

A lot of men struggle with the basic concept of flirting. I’ve seen it myself with friends looking to hook up with a girl in a bar who tried everything in their tired and clichéd arsenal of pick up lines. Believe it or not, the following quote is not going to help you get the girl:

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

Source: CO-ED Magazine

The main problem guys have with flirting is that they relate it directly to sex. If I flirt with the girl for long enough, she’s more likely to have sex with me. Women, on the other hand, view flirting as nothing more than some harmless fun with no determined end-game.

The differences between male and female flirting

Dutch-born psychoanalyst Manfred Kets de Vries blames the male super-ego. “A man behaving selfishly will ignore the implicit conduct of flirting in the blatant pursuit of sex.” He’s basically saying that if we were in a cave, the man would fling the woman over his shoulder and stomp away.

As far as human behaviours are concerned, flirting is the one that confuses us most. According to evolutionary psychologists flirting is man’s way of engaging pleasurably with a member of the opposite sex, with the ultimate goal of reproduction. Now call me crazy, but most men looking to pick up a girl are not thinking about having children with the woman! Regardless, women view flirting as a way of checking out the merchandise without compromising their virtue. So women use flirting to get attention, and men use it to initiate sex - but how do you untangle this web of crossed wires?

The key to flirting successfully

You’d think that common sense might help you to flirt more successfully, but you’d be wrong. And here’s why. Dr Antonio Darmasio, MD and head of neurology at the University of Iowa, claims that the reason it all goes wrong is because the process of flirting actually mimics brain damage. “The limbic system, responding to a cue that says ‘this person is attractive’, overrides the neo-cortex. Therefore, for a brief moment, we are completely out of control.” Now this quote won’t hold up in court should you ever get too out of control with a girl but it does explain why we struggle to flirt.

Understanding the brain’s response to flirting should help us to engage with women on their level, rather than as a covert operation to get naked with her! Here are some ideas for flirting successfully without coming across like a sex-crazed lunatic:

• Keep contact to a minimum. Nothing is more powerful in the flirting world than well-timed and placed body contact. Touching a woman should be the same as using your Diesel Fuel For Life aftershave. Use With Caution! If you overdo it, you’ll appear overbearing and creepy. The best times to engage physical contact are when you’re standing together or when putting her coat on. When standing together you can lean in close and place your hand on the small of hear back, as if you were telling her a secret. Putting her coat on at the end of the evening allows you to lift her hair up over the back of her coat. Very subtle and sensual but she will notice.
• Avoid over-confidence. If you’ve got all the right words and know exactly what to say to get her interested in you, there is a danger that she’ll take you as one of those slippery guys who have played women one too many times. She’ll be imagining you as the guy who flirts for sport and prefers the thrill of the chase to the catch. I’ve known a few of these cads myself and although he was successful with the women, it never amounted to more than a one night stand. That’s not being a man at all.
• Don’t play it too cool. Some guys prefer to take the ‘mysterious and cool’ approach by appearing dark and brooding from afar. This is all well and good but be aware than you have a limited window of opportunity to talk to her before you turn into the weird stalker who won’t stop looking at her. Another downside to this method is the tendency to sit and watch as other guys attempt to talk to the object of your affection. Don’t sit and sulk in the corner giving the death stare to any man who dares talk to your woman. You’ll come across as jealous and lacking in self confidence. Both unbecoming character traits. Instead, enjoy your evening and when she is available, just head over and talk to her. It’s really not rocket science!
• Don’t flirt with every girl in the bar. Women talk. With their friends and with strangers at the bar or in the toilet. Find a girl you’re interested in and focus on her. If it doesn’t work out then you might need to move on to the next place to find somebody else. Women will be extremely wary of a man who she has seen talking to other women in the club. You may be a masterful flirt, but you’re seeking an audience and in the end you’re only amusing yourself and are not really that interested in any of the women. They’ll pick up on it and before you know it you’ll be known as the annoying guy who sends dirty text messages an hour after meeting someone in a bar.

Technology and it’s impact on flirting

Technology has added an entirely new dimension to the flirting game. You can now use text, e-mail and instant messenger to flirt, but you find yourself trying to become a wordsmith to formulate the perfect combination of words. It’s now a digital minefield as well. However, I think that if used correctly, communicating in this way can help you to become more successful. Here’s why:

• You have time to think about your message. Rather than being put on the spot in a face-to-face setting, you have time to put together a message or a reply without having to do it immediately. This removes the pressure and allows you to flirt more effectively.
• You can be more open via text. Things you would never dare to say in person can now be said through a message. The beauty of this is that if she takes it the wrong way you can say it was a joke but the message didn’t convey the sarcastic tone intended (yes, I have used that before to get out of an inappropriate text) or you can be a little unscrupulous and just never speak to her again.
• What you say in text messages often becomes what you say in real life. Back in the single days I was a bit of a master at the whole text flirting game, regularly with 4 or 5 women texting me at any given time. As my confidence grew, I found there was a great deal of transference from my text game to my face-to-face game. I was more open, more outrageous and more confident and the end result was that approaching women was easier and more successful than ever before.

Now, obviously I’m not a psychologist or psychoanalyst but I am a self-taught flirt with a lot of experience and a lot of success. My final advice to you is to flirt wherever you can. Build up your confidence talking to waitresses, barmaids, checkout girls, or even your friends mother! There’s no harm in flirting and it will boost your confidence so that when you meet someone you really like, you know what to do.

If you’ve had some great flirting experiences or know a method that’s worked wonders for you in the past, then let us know in the comments.

Image by Sister72

Okay, so rather than writing a seemingly obligatory (and slightly cliché) article of Valentine’s Day gift ideas and tip on romance and so forth, I’ve decided to put together a bit of link love for other resources who have already said it much better than I could. Are you ready to be dazzled with hearts and chocolates and gratuitous displays of affection? Then let’s do it.

10 Tips For Surviving Valentine’s Day - So many people, myself included, get caught up in the fever of Valentine’s Day and lose their perspective. When this happens you go into meltdown and either get very stressed out over what unique and original gift you can get this year, or you spend a small fortune buying her an island just off the coast of Africa because she once mentioned she loves the beach!

7 Valentine’s Day Gifts That’ll Get You Kicked In The Groin - Brilliant article that may help to avoid the pain and humiliation of being kicked in the nether regions for buying an inappropriate or inconsiderate gift!

- Men’s Guide To Buying Jewelry - You could win yourself a free bracelet with ice.com. They also have some great jewelry choices on offer to treat the woman you love to some serious bling!

Valentine’s Day Gift From Jenna Jameson - That’s right. Former porn star and all around naughty lady Jenna Jameson has released an ‘erotic’ book just in time for the occasion. Well, if you’re going to read a filthy book then who better than the Queen of Filth?

Valentine’s Day For The Gamer In Your Life - I can hear the cry of Nintendo fan-boys from here. All rejoicing this article with gift ideas for that special gamer geek in your life. Actually, some of this stuff is pretty cool and I might treat myself to a candy filled mushroom from the land of Mario!

A Valentine’s Blog - Filled with jokes, poems, recipes, songs and all manners of gushy love-ridden stuff, Hot Valentines Day has everything you need to make a special and unique gift for you beau.

You’ve got 5 days left before the avalanche of I<3U’s and scented rose petals so what are you waiting for? Love waits for no man (unless you’re paying by the hour!).

The art of dating is complicated and often riddled with mystery and intrigue. Mixed signals and poor communication (verbal and non-verbal) can be enough to turn her off, and that fire you felt in the first few dates will quickly fizzle out!

For many modern men, it can be difficult to actually determine what women want. The reason is quite simple. Not all women want the same thing. Some women are looking for love, others are looking for a casual fling. However, the one constant factor that all women are receptive to is the way in which you treat them.

Chivalry Is Not Dead (Yet)

Originally, chivalry was a code observed by Knights, which determined how they behaved both in battle, and in their everyday life. As time has progressed, the term is now used to describe courteous behaviour, particularly from men to women. Being a perfect gentleman is using the modern version of the code as a guideline for how to treat women. Men often seem to confuse chivalry with being a nice guy (we all know that nice guys finish last), but really it’s about treating women with the respect they deserve.

So what is the modern code of chivalry for 2008?

Opening doors

Now maybe it’s just me, but this is a very simple act. Common sense and courtesy would say that you open doors for anyone – male or female – that is coming through it in front of you or behind you. Everyone gets annoying at the person who lets a swinging door close in their face! With respect to your date, I’d extend this to opening the car door for her as well. It’s just a nice thing to do and she’ll lap it up!

Pull out her chair

This is another traditional gesture which is just common courtesy. When you’re at dinner with her, pull out her chair and push it in for her as she sits down. This also extends to other simple acts such as offering to pay for the meal and surprising her with flowers. Just do it with class and sincerity, and not because you think it is expected.

Pay attention

How many times have you stared into space while your date puts on her coat? If you could snap out of your day dream for a second, you’d realise that you could offer to take her coat and put it on her yourself. The added bonus here is if she has long hair. You have to lift the hair up with your hand or forearm so that it doesn’t get caught under the collar. You may not get the impression that she noticed but, trust me, she did!

Ask her opinion

There was a time when it was considered chivalrous for the man to take complete charge. He chose the meals, the drinks, the venue. The modern code is changing, and for good reason. Women are our equals and should be treated as such. They are perfectly capable of choosing where to eat and what wine to drink! Make the decision together. She’ll love you for it!

Meaningless Gestures?

The fact of the matter is this – there are no meaningless gestures with women. Your attention to detail can determine the difference between you, the gentleman, and the “typical guy”. Basic common courtesy is something that a lot of men simply don’t have. Just by reading this article you’re already one step ahead of the competition!

Becoming a perfect gentleman will have her bragging to her mother, her friends, and the rest of her family about you and it will make her want you even more.

So the next time you’re out on a date – hold open the doors, put her coat on her yourself and treat her with the respect and dignity of a chivalrous knight!

Stay tuned for the follow-up piece: How Being The Bad Boy Will Make Her Want You More.

Image by Liza Edith

Image by Vickykc

Following on from the previous article Five Signs She Doesn’t Like You (And Will Break Your Heart) we can now look at the open gestures which are usually a good indication that she’s interested in you (but is possibly playing hard to get!)

The Five Open Gestures

Gesture 1 – The Butterfly

The butterfly is the gesture she makes after you’ve made eye contact with her across a crowded room. Essentially, the eye contact is a call-to-action. You want to see some sort of reaction from her to show that she is interested or attracted to you. Playing with her hair, adjusting her clothes or jewellery, and fiddling with her straw in her drink are all butterfly reactions. If you get any of these signs, she may well be interested in you.

Gesture 2 – The Palm Reader

Exposed wrists and palms are signs of openness and sincerity which she will present to people she is interested in. Subconsciously, she is saying “If you want me, come and get me”. This is very similar to The Pointer, whereby she will ‘point’ at you with her foot or knee (when her legs are crossed).

Gesture 3 – The Leaning Tower of Love

This gesture can be seen when she leans forward towards you. Her upper body will be facing you if she’s interested. In essence, she will lean forward and point at what she wants. Unlike the tower of Pisa, this gesture means she is not made of stone! (Too cheesy? Maybe..)

Gesture 4 – The Cheshire Cat

This is a bit of a no-brainer. If she smiles at you when you make eye contact, get over there immediately and strike up some conversation. She is very keen.

Gesture 5 – The Midas Touch

If she is touching you a number of times while you are talking, for example, tapping you on the arm when making a point, she is very interested. She’s probably not even playing that hard to get at this point, so go in for the kill!

Obviously, there are many different gestures and signals which show her interest in you, but learning the basics now will allow you to pick up the more complicated signs easily later. Once you understand the science behind body language, the gestures mentioned in this article are common sense and can be applied to many different situations in all aspects of your life.

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Image by un4gtableann

Did you know that 55% of the impression we get from someone is communicated through their body language? 38% is from the tone, speed and inflection of their voice, and a tiny 7% is from what they’re actually saying! (This doesn’t mean you can talk about your love of tuna fish all night!)

The topic of body language is a vast subject which would need at least it’s own article to even scratch the surface so, for purposes of brevity, we’ll keep things simple for now.

Reading Her Body Language

Body language consists of two basic types of gestures. Open gestures and closed gestures. In their most basic form, open gestures are displayed when women are either interesting in, and attracted to the person presented to her. Closed gestures are displayed when she is not.

Being able to read these signs and use them to your advantage will not only make you more successful with women, it will also allow you to cut your losses and not waste your time on women who simply aren’t interested. Today we’ll be looking at the closed gestures you will see during your dating life. These are body language signs which mean she doesn’t really like you and will break your heart if you get too attached. I find it best in situations where I see at least two closed gestures being displayed to simply cut my losses and walk away. Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

The Five Closed Body Language Gestures

Gesture 1 – The Roll

If you’ve struck up conversation, and your trying your best lines to impress her, look at her eyes. If she rolls her eyes at the things you say, she is showing embarrassment at your presence and is displaying to everyone else that she’s just not interested. Walk away. You don’t have much of a chance with this girl.

Gesture 2 – The X Zone

If she has her arms crossed, she’s not open to you and what you have to offer her. It’s a tell-tale sign that she is either nervous, uncomfortable, agitated or she simply doesn’t like you. Try changing your strategy and see if her body language becomes more relaxed and open.

Gesture 3 – The Poker Hand

This is when she plays her cards close to her chest (just like a poker player) and doesn’t show you her wrists, palms or the inside of her arms. She’s very guarded and doesn’t feel comfortable with you. Change tactic and see if she warms to you, if not then fold your hand (pun intended!).

Gesture 4 – (Reverse) Leaning Tower of Love

If she’s leaning away from you or her posture is stiff, it’s a sure-fire sign that she wants out of the situation and you’re wasting your time. The night is young and there are many women who’d be more receptive to your advances.

Gesture 5 – The Statue

This is kind of a no-brainer, however you wouldn’t believe the number of guys that do not pick up on this gesture! If she’s sitting with her head resting in her hand with downcast eyes she is bored and not interested in anything you have to say. Politely make your excuses and walk away with your head held high.

Obviously, when you’re out in the dating battlefield these gestures are only guidelines and you should follow your gut instinct wherever possible. If you notice her using one of these gestures, don’t panic and run for the door! If her arms and crossed and her back is stiff she might just be cold, or her friends are all hooking up with guys and she feels left out. If you want to talk to her, then go ahead. Be friendly and smile.

I’d suggest using the rule of four here. If she displays four of the five gestures I’ve mentioned then don’t bother. Any less then it’s down to your social skills and charm to turn it around and get her interested in you.

The next time you notice a good looking girl from across the room, make eye contact with her. When she notices you, give her a smile (and maybe a wink!) and get over there to talk to her. The introduction is key when you’re actually engaging with her.

“I can’t believe the way you were checking me out over there like I’m a piece of meat! What’s that all about? I’m Christian, by the way. What’s your name?”

We’ll cover more ground on body language and how to talk to women in later articles, so why not subscribe to our RSS feed so that you don’t miss out?

Image by WAXY.

Sometimes I’m amazed at the lengths men will go to in order to impress a woman. A woman who probably isn’t even that interested in them to begin with. The first rule to being a man’s man is never to compromise your masculine integrity. I’ve put together 8 simple rules to ensure that this never happens. This is the man’s man code. Live by it.

The 8 Dating Commandments

1. Ask her out only once.

   This rule is golden. Too many men get into the habit of asking a girl out over and over again despite her excuses. These men are blinded by the possibility of sex. In many cases it seems that god gave man a brain and penis, but not enough blood supply for them to both operate at the same time!

   Women are fantastic at playing hard to get, especially in the beginning, so you can expect to encounter this at some point during your dating life. How you react to this will determine if you get the date or not.

   Also, for future reference, if a woman is genuinely interested in you she will make herself available to you. If she says “I can’t make this weekend, but how about next Thursday?” you can be pretty sure she’s interested. If you get any other response, fold your hand and walk away. If you’re really cool about this, she might even change her mind and want a piece of you after all!

2. Aim higher.

   If you’ve ever seen Jude Law in Alfie, you’ll know this already. If you’ve got the confidence and the charm, no one is out of your league. Never lower your standards just to get a date. You may not succeed as often with the more attractive women, but when you do it’s so much hotter and more passionate to be with someone that really turns you on.

   Helpful tip – Place your hands on a hot iron and a second can seem like an hour. Place your hands on a hot woman and an hour can seem like a second. If you aim for a hot babe, be sure you’ve got the lovers skills to keep her coming back for more.

3. Don’t let her walk all over you.

   I used to date a girl who thought it was amusing to try and punch me in the balls! (I’m not even kidding!) At the time I was a shy and reserved kind of guy and I took it for weeks before she finally met someone else and we broke up. A few years later, I met this girl again thinking she might have matured and we could have a good time. She tried to punch me again and I grabbed her wrist. I politely told her to finish her drink because the date was over. For two weeks she was calling and texting me to meet up again. I ignored all her calls and messages.

   Don’t ever be a doormat. Women will get tired of you very quickly and move on. You’re a man, so start acting like one. If she treats you badly, don’t tolerate it. There are plenty of women out there that will appreciate you.

4. Be spontaneous.

   Women don’t like to be taken for granted. If your dating falls into predictable patterns, the first spontaneous act she makes will be to dump you!

   You need to surprise her regularly and keep her on her toes. Play hard to get one minute and then come on strong the next. Break the odd date with her! I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve told a girl I can’t make our date and then had her calling me and texting me to arrange another one.

   A word of warning though – don’t overdo it or she’ll think you’re crazy. Moderation is the key to this technique. Master it and you’ll never be the boring ex boyfriend again!

5. Don’t be overly emotional.

   By all means show your sensitive side from time to time but for the love of God do not become clingy, needy, desperate or excessively jealous!

   Nothing says psycho like a combination of these overly emotional attributes. If you break this rule, the best you can hope for is to be the crazy ex that forced her to change the locks. The worst case scenario is that you end up with a restraining order!

6. Challenge her.

   Women love the thrill of the chase just as much as men. Taking a break from her to hang out with the guys will assert your independence and make you just as much of a challenge to her as she is to you.

   One of my favourite ways to challenge women is to show an interest in someone else. Keeping her on her toes and making her work for it is all part of the game.

7. Go Dutch.

   There’s nothing worse than dating a woman who won’t pay her own way! Feminist groups have campaigned for years to get women equal pay, so it’s about time they starting to splash the cash themselves.

   Essentially, all you’re doing is paying for sex. In which case, you could probably find a much cheaper option elsewhere!

8. Enjoy yourself!

   The most important rule for dating is to enjoy yourself. When I’m out with a girl I don’t worry about how neat my hair is or whether my t-shirt brings out the colour in my eyes. What I’m doing is cracking jokes, flirting and just generally enjoying the time spent with her. Don’t be afraid of rejection and stop walking on egg shells. Be yourself and be confident.

Just have fun.

Another great resource for tips and advice on women as well as quite funny and interesting stories is the Men’s Guide to Women blog. The articles tend to be quite long, but well worth the read.

Next time in The Man’s Man series, we’ll look at the top tips for blowing her mind in the bedroom. You don’t want to miss it! Subscribe to the RSS feed so that you never miss a post.

Image by Audrey M. Lehr

We’ve all been there haven’t we, fellas? You like a girl, you think she’s keen too, but you’re unsure of how to approach the subject and you end up saying nothing. It’s a common scenario that too many young men are finding themselves in when trying to court the fairer sex. We try to over analyse the situation and this only leads to more procrastination.

So What Do You Do?

Stop being a wimp, and start being a man! The beauty of being a man is that we act without first thinking of the consequences. Our greatest weakness is also our greatest strength! Using this mentality, we can break free from the shackles of this dating minefield and instead of thinking about asking women out, we can actually ask women out!

But What If She Says No?

So what if she says no!? Men’s men should have skin thicker than rhino hide. To use another animal analogy, it should be like water off a ducks back. Dating is nothing more than a numbers game. Of course you’re going to get shot down from time to time, but you need to get back on the horse and try again (there I go with the animal analogies again!).

Having the confidence to stroll up to a girl in a bar, not caring whether she lets you buy her a drink or not, instantly makes you more calm and assured. Believe it or not, women can sense that and let me tell you now – they find it an incredible turn-on!

Overcoming Your Dating Fears

It’s okay me telling you to just overcome your fears, but you need to know how to overcome those fears. I’m going to give you the three practical exercises that I found helped me most when I was a shy young man who found it very difficult to speak to women. Using these techniques, I have been able to overcome my fears of approaching random strangers and become a man’s man!

1. Learn how to talk to strangers in the street. Asking someone in the street what the time is could quite possibly be the easiest way ever to talk to a stranger. If they haven’t got a watch, you say thanks anyway and move on to someone else. Once you’ve asked a few people and you’re now fairly certain you know the time you can start to get a little more brave. Make a casual comment about the weather. If they respond, you can take it further and actually have a conversation with them. Another great way to talk to people is when you’re buying something from a store. Make passing comments while you’re being served. I’m forever telling the people that serve me about my day and what I’m doing next. Once you’re confident at talking to people in the street at this level, you wouldn’t believe how much easier it is to talk to them in pubs and clubs.
2. Practice on women you don’t find attractive. Men are not uncomfortable around women they don’t find attractive. Once you’re confident enough to talk to people in the street, move on to the pubs and clubs. Talking to strangers you’re not attracted to is incredibly easy. In fact, I’d say it’s no different to speaking to someone in the street. Socialising usually means meeting up with friends of friends and you get introduced to a lot of nice people who you’re not into. This makes it a perfect opportunity to ask them about their interests, their work and their favourite things. The experience of just talking to more women in a social setting is a massive step towards total self confidence.
3. Actually try to get rejected. Once you’re ready to start talking to women you actually find attractive, here is an amazing tip that can overcome all of your fears. Make getting rejected appear to be a success. Set out to get rejected by 10 women you find attractive the next time you go out. After you face your fear, you’ll find that it’s not actually as bad as you think. When you expect to be rejected, you’re not going to be disappointed. As your fears begin to subside, you’ll even be rewarded with the occasional “yes”.

My advice to you is to go out there and start talking to people today. Once you find yourself talking to strangers with no embarrassment or fear, you’ll find it extremely liberating.

I’d love to hear some success stories from your experiences of talking to strangers so, please, post a comment and tell us who you spoke to, what was said, and what the outcome was.

In next weeks Mans’ Man Guide To Dating, we’ll be exploring the 8 simple rules to follow when you finally get the date you’ve been looking for.

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