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The Man Rules

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Let's get one thing straight, this website is for men. Real men. Sure, it's fine if the ladies want to read along, but Just a Guy Thing is for and about, well, guys.

So it's about time we laid down some rules. The Man Rules. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the?other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer that you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.? Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.? Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.? But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Note: if you couldn't tell by the photo of the shlub and the fact that every rule is #1, this is a joke that parodies male sterotypes.? It is not to be taken seriously.? If you are a man and actually following these rules you need to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century.? And you need to read more JAGT.

Firstly, are you the new

Firstly,
are you the new writer in this blog? this blog was on sale wasnt it? what happened?

secondly,
many people might not agree with the post you just wrote..
it was very disappointing and somehow disrespectful of women.

pfft.. Man rules. since when did we have rules in the first place? u - suck.

This is wack. Almost all of

This is wack. Almost all of these are pretty much based on the way shitty fathers and husbands act on idiotic television sitcoms. You address this to the "ladies" who may be reading. But I seriously hope no woman actually thinks that I myself am involved in any with this stereotypical, bonehead bullshit.

Not needing directions?! Yeah, that's some fresh material. It's only the oldest gag in history. Because all guys are the same. We just want to watch some sports on Sunday, drink some beers, and we all just DON'T UNDERSTAND THOSE CRAZY WOMEN WITH THEIR CRAZY EMOTIONS!

Seriously, If any guy is as clueless as the "guy" described here, it's because THEY WANT TO BE. Because he doesn't know how to, or doesn't care to, have a meaningful relationship with another human being. Call me crazy, but I have a fucking GPS... and when my girl says nothing is wrong when something obviously is, I fucking ASK HARDER and we work that shit out.

Some of use are trying to be a better men here, and you're holding us back by perpetuating this stereotype of a typical disconnected, shlub.

Tom, this posting is tongue

Tom, this posting is tongue in cheek. I totally agree with you that we should all try to be better men and if guys are really behaving this way they are Neanderthals. That doesn't mean we can't laugh at the stereotype. The "Man Rules" are just as ridiculous as as all those stupid rules for women.

[...] Just in case you forgot

[...] Just in case you forgot them, these are your Man Rules [...]

wow how bout u girls grow

wow how bout u girls grow some balls. its time to become a man... HA disrespectfull to women!? comeon rish why dont u go wach hanna montana with ur boy friend. if girls werent so dramatic and complicated then the man rules wouldnt apply but life sucks and girls need to live by these rules. disrespect... ha pshh...

women need to be put back into their place im sorry but its how it is...

I can't believe people are

I can't believe people are taking this seriously. It was not intended to be.

haha nice and ture. Thats us

haha nice and ture. Thats us men, all ladies need to read it carefully.

it is what it is..

some of you guys are rather

some of you guys are rather sad.. its clearly a joke which men would find funny becouse no matter what you will feel and or find yourself in a situation where you will say or do something which was just mentioned in this blog :)

i say yay although i have read some similer ones to this before :)

1. Men are NOT mind

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

Mostly true.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Almost always true for me.

This thing was a joke - don't

This thing was a joke - don't take it seriously.

A lot of these are true, it made me laugh. The color one is my favorite.

This is an amusing post when

This is an amusing post when taken with a grain of salt. I'd probably never actually employ any of the rules, but they're funny.

The best part was the end: "It's like camping."

Hilarious! That is until I

Hilarious! That is until I read the "Note" at the end and the first few comments to the post, which is when I realized this website is actually for wannabe 'metrosexuals' (aka fags), and not for real men. This list is so TRUE. Deal with it women, (including you, 'Tom').

Whoa, Rick. Dropping the

Whoa, Rick. Dropping the 'fag' bomb...

Well, I'd say you gay bashing someone on the internet (calling someone a fag IS gay bashing, by the way) says quite a lot more about your sexuality than my ability to dress well and to stay in shape says about mine. How does trying to appeal to women make me a fag?

I was born in the 80s. There's a new definition of man these days. And the good women out there are looking for something more.

You're a caveman. Have fun fucking tram stamp'd waitresses and watching Nascar.

Columbus was lost!

Columbus was lost!

Tom, your a retard. Did you

Tom, your a retard. Did you really think your supposed to take them seriously? if you did you obviously have no sense of humour, Stop trying to be so high and mighty and stop acting like a dick.

rules that keep men on top

rules that keep men on top and women should just accept it and follow our rules. no crying ,b...hing, no bul....t. just do as we demand

all negative comments on here

all negative comments on here about man rules are from faggots,women and puffers(p...y whipped) people. real men rule this world and the sooner you women and whimps accept that the better. oh i forgot women are meant to be seen, played with, not heard

also, just because you like

also, just because you like fucking guys in the ass, it doesn't mean youre gay. i dont let my need to fuck guys get in the way of my women hating.

Seriously Tom, u metro sacks

Seriously Tom, u metro sacks of sh!t, liberal whining ass wussies give us all a bad name. Have you EVER fired a gun? Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? Are you a Jason Mraz fan? Watch Oprah? You are obviously either gay or henpecked (same thing). Real women (aka, women who are not feminazi's) like real men. So tie your argyle around your neck, pop your collar, order a freakin' Zima and get back to the Oxygen network. Good day "sir".

I am socially liberal, but

I am socially liberal, but fiscally conservative. I have in fact fired a gun many times, but I honestly have never really enjoyed it. I did not cry when I got the news of MJ's death, but I did get a little choked up watching the funeral and blasted his music non-stop for two weeks after. I happen to dislike Mraz, but my lady loves him. I work during the day, so Oprah is so totally off of my radar that she may as well not exist. Of all my ties, I don't own an argyle one. I hate fuckers who pop their collar. I'm 25, so I believe Zima has been out of production since I was about 15 years old, so I never really could give it a chance... Quite a topical reference on your part, by the way.

But, the things is, I am not sure how any of these facts qualify anyone's gender, or their sexual orientation. You haven't proved anything to me here.

I am not gay. I am not henpecked (yet). You're pissed because I am not threatened by anyone else's definition of what a man should be.

And look at you, you seem to be pretty threatened by the idea that there are men out there that are taking some extra time to be more appealing to women... and the game is kind of passing you by, isn't it?

The women who "like real men", or your definition of a real man, are almost entirely morons. So, with that, go with god. Hopefully people like you will remove them from the pool and make the dating world a better place for the rest of us.

i think people need to just

i think people need to just see this for what it is....a joke

all you guys sound like some

all you guys sound like some period strucken cry baby ass bitches.

Joke or not, you people took

Joke or not, you people took it there, got really upset, and started getting really offensive. And also, while it might be heteronormative or socially acceptable to call a straight guy a fag for being a pussy, you are still offending an entire group of homosexuals that want [or have] nothing to do with this useless banter.

Find another word to low-blow a straight guys self-esteem, because faggot, queer, fudge-packer, feminazi, bulldyke, cum-dump, twink, fairy, queen, pansy, etc, are words that my people [the homos] like to use on ourselves in our own useless banter. Coming from you, its like calling someone a NIGGER, so don't do it.

If you want to get smart and ask why I was on this site in the first place, its simple. Gay men are also 'guys'. Our biological footprints are identical.

Well put.

Well put.

Gee whiz! I like this! It's a

Gee whiz! I like this! It's a funny joke! But some people are so damn serious! Why don't you serious people go critize something more important, like our economic problems!

live by the rules, die by the

live by the rules, die by the rules, also you forgot one

a headache that lasts 17 months is a big problem, go see a doctor

The only thing funnier on

The only thing funnier on this website than the list of "Man Rules" is the group of dipshits arguing about them in the comments section below.

First of all when did men

First of all when did men become such pusis. Women are always disrespectful to other women but yet if a man says something liberating it's offensive. Women can call us simple, stupid dogs and it's fine right. Men embrace ur god given dick and beat the crap out of ur woman with it. Bet u she tAkes it like a good girl and loves u for being what she wAnts a real man. Stop this sensitivity shit. If ur asking what's wrong and she won't tell u it's because it's probably ur feminine side that's pissing her off. Sheesh

omg seriously..its CLEARLY a

omg seriously..its CLEARLY a joke people! how idiotic can someone be? You read most of it and don't even read the note.

LOL @ the reactions to

LOL @ the reactions to this.

I'm a woman and I thought it was hilarious enough to post as my status on my work email.

"I am in shape.? Round IS a shape!" --- LOVE IT!

THE FOLLOWING IS WHY SOME MEN

THE FOLLOWING IS WHY SOME MEN END UP ALONE AND WHY I THINK THEY ARE JERKS:

The Man Rules (These are not MAN rules, they are BOY rules!)
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down (Yes, finally! That was sarcasm!)

Finally, the guys side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side (Do you know why that is? Have you ever heard the following saying: “Happy wife, happy life”, that’s why!! DUH!)

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note-- these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE! (Yes, because all you care about is “numero uno”: yourself and what you are saying is that you are egotistical and selfish!!!!)

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (Yes, well neither are woman, but we didn’t think you were so stupid and would have to repeat everything a thousand times a day for the rest of our lives because you can’t comprehend it and get it!)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. (And you’re a big boy! Or wait, ARE YOU??? If it’s up, put it down! We need it down, you need it up. It’s not rocket science, how hard is that!!!)

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. (Shopping and spending money is the same to us as your sports are to you, so LET IT BE!!!!!)

1. Crying is blackmail. (Right, and you never do anything to blackmail us or guilt us into something right?)

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! (Got it, maybe we need to write a book called: What Women Want For Dummies)

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. (That’s not true and you know it, because when we say no, you always ask why, therefore, no wasn’t an acceptable enough answer, quit lying, who you trying to fool??!!??)

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. (So what you’re saying is: you DON’T care about us or our feelings like you insist you do!!! So, then, if that’s the case, let us go out with our girlfriends, and don’t complain or get jealous about it when we do!!)

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. (REALLY??? So, basically what you are saying is we are not to trust you because YOU LIE!!!!!)

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. (Since we’re on the subject, a beer belly on you is never attractive, no matter what you think!!)

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one (Simply put: COWARD!!!)

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. (That applies to sex also, then, I suppose, can’t have your cake and eat it too!! Can’t pick and choose what’s included in that, you said it!!)

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (Yes because you are insensitive jerks. I’m just saying, don’t expect much from us then, either, this is a two-way street!)

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. (Have you looked in the mirror? You’re NO CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, BUDDY!!! What you’re really saying is that you are too proud and self-serving to ask!)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. (Well, this we know, we already established that you’re not that bright!)

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. (Yes, we know, but it’s not sexy and doesn’t turn us on, I don’t care what you say!)

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. (And you think YOU are worth the hassle??? REALLY????)

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (So, in other words, you’re rude and don’t really care about us or our feelings like you say you do!!)

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really. (If that’s the case, then don’t complain about what we’re wearing, that it’s too revealing or not fancy enough, etc…And, in your case, it’s NOT fine, REALLY!!!! We don’t like slobs, we like our men to clean up and be presentable, old, torn, paint-stained work jeans from work and a t-shirt don’t do it for us!!!)

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports. (Ok, point taken, duly noted! So when you’re having a bad day and wish we would ask what’s bothering you, don’t be surprised that we will not ask, you said it, and so we don’t care!)

1. You have enough clothes. (REALLY?? I know some of you that have more than we do, so to that I say: WHATEVER!!)

1. You have too many shoes. (Not all of us do, so don’t generalize!)

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (Touché! So, don’t complain if we are fat, you have NO ROOM to talk!!)

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. (No, not on the couch, honey, that’s too easy, and I’m not that nice: try the dog house, LITERALLY!!!!)

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. (Point taken, thank you! Now we’ll always come up with worse places for you to sleep!! Again, not very bright!)

i agree with blondie!!!!!

i agree with blondie!!!!! babe u rock!!! greetz from holland ;)

I agree with Tom!cheers to

I agree with Tom!cheers to him!

I'm guessing blondie is

I'm guessing blondie is single.  

I love how people are getting

I love how people are getting upset as if its gonna help! First its a joke and second I agree that some of the issues are irritating AT TIMES but in the same instance, things that men do are equally irritating. If you truly love the woman you're with, you would be more understanding toward them and its the same way with women understanding men. Getting pissed over the situation just fuels the flame.

After reading most of the

After reading most of the comments following the posting, I am going to have to say that most of the human race (including myself) appears to suffer from mild retardation at times,and I say this because all but two or three posters have failed to see the blog for what it is. While some of these man rules have a slight tinge of truth some of them are just for fun. I for example read these rules to my wife of 15years, and we both had a good laugh, especialy about the toilet seat one, because even after 15, years I still leave the seat occasionally. So stop hating on each other andh ave a laugh.

P.S.in case any one wants to flame me,just remember your mom is rated E for every one

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I just had to say something

I just had to say something after I read all the comments... I am a girl and I first read these rules when I was like 16 and I thought they were hilarious and somewhat true... With that in mind I have to say to some of you men who commented on here wow. You are ...well different. I can say this I have a place in the world and it isn't following my mans every command. I have just as much say as he does, but we both still follow some stereo types. I do the laundry and I cook and clean. SO WHAT! I make him do these things too. This crap about men being on top and put us in our place is shameful. My man is the man of the household but best believe that I have the final say on things. So quit being Al Bundy and get off your high horse. Most women now a days have a brain and will probably be more successful than you.
This is funny. But no one should be taking these rules that seriously. Take these for what they are, they are a parady. Enjoy them. If I enjoy them and I am an intelligent women so should you.

 
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