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10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex

In our quest for broad, relevant sexual advice, our fathers have failed to enlighten us. Here are ten things your dad never told you about sex.

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How did you learn about the finer points of sex? Maybe you watched that awkward sex education video that was filmed a good 20 years before your time and made sex out to be a clinical and methodical process. Some schools had in-class demonstrations of your 60-something teacher delicately peeling a condom down over a banana like some giant, yellow (and slightly curved) penis. The mere thought of that image alone is enough to remain celibate and move to a monastery in Tibet for the rest of your life! Other people found out about sex by getting stuck in to a good old fumble session in the drama studio during a free period. Whatever your story, it's likely you had the talk from your old man at some point as well.

Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, particularly for a dad with his teenage son. A sex ed talk from your father usually consists of the following:

  * Wear a condom.

  * Treat the girl with respect.

  * Don't rush her.

  * Save yourself for the right girl.

Of course, none of this prepares us for the harsh reality of a proper sexual encounter. Our fathers have failed us in our pursuit for sexual enlightenment. With this in mind, I present to you The 10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex (But Really Should Have).

#10 - Sex Fetishes

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Image by lowfreq

I really wish my father had told me what a fetish was before I started having sex. The first time a woman asked me if I was into "Formicophilia" I thought she was speaking Italian to me. It turns out she got a real sexual kick out of having bugs, insects and creepy crawlies all over her genitals and wanted to share this delightful experience with me. Apparently fetishes are a normal variation of human sexuality which range from vanilla to just plain weird. I don't mind a bit of biting and spanking every now and again but I draw the line at inviting cockroaches to the party. Make sure you know a bit about fetishes before engaging in sex because nobody wants to find out their girlfriend has a scat fetish after the fact.

#9 - It's not like a porno movie

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Image by sneet

Imagine my surprise when, after years of watching Jenna Jameson bounce up and down on multiple guys and screaming with pleasure, I finally lost my virginity to a shy little red head with a freckled face, glasses and braces on her teeth. I thought sex would be all about screaming, dirty orgasms and filthy talk. Not only that, I thought that every seemingly innocent situation could be initiated into impromptu sex. If my friends mum offered me a cup of tea while we waited for him to get home from work, I thought she might jump my bones any second. Alas, it never happened. As for the red head, it was less like a speeding train and more like a brisk walk. Sex is nothing like it appears in porn. (unless you happen to be dating a porn star)

#8 - Pace yourself

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Image by karigaile

As a knock-on effect of the porn delusions I suffered from, I thought that going at it hammer-and-tongs for long periods of time was the norm. Those porn stars could last forever and so I was utterly disappointed when my encounter with the shy red head lasted a mere 2 minutes before I rolled over and fell asleep. If you've never heard the story of the tortoise and the hare, I'm sure it related to sex. Women want a stallion who can last the distance and although sometimes a quickie can be just as fun, nobody wants it to be over before it's even begun.

#7 - Headaches are no excuse not to have sex

headache.jpg

Image by mareen

At 21, my girlfriend of the time regularly used to tell me she wasn't in the mood for a bit of nookie because she 'had a headache'. New evidence has come to light though which says that the female orgasm releases endorphins (a natural painkiller). This means that sex is a headache cure. I'd go as far as to use this to try and have sex with your girlfriend for any number of ailments. Broken leg? Sex can ease your pain, baby. Your (hot)friend has a broken heart? I'll give her an orgasm to make her feel better. Genital herpes? Er...you're on your own there, darling.

#6 - Threesomes are not as common as you think

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Image by willradik

A combination of porn and 'true story' articles in Maxim and FHM had me growing up thinking that a threesome was a natural part of everyday life and would happen regularly. After losing a couple of girlfriends through requests for their big-bosomed friend to join us for a session, I began to lose faith. Some people claim that "M?nage ? trois" is actually French for "In your dreams". While I'm sure many people have had threesomes (or more) with other women, the sad reality is that the threesomes we could have would most often involve not another woman, but another man.

#5 - Impotence is a grounds for divorce

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Image by szane67

In over 20 states in America, impotence can be cited as the grounds for a marriage breakdown and subsequent divorce. I'm sure a few wealthy businessmen who didn't see the need for a pre-nup are now kicking themselves for their shortsightedness. It's not enough that men have the burden of pleasuring the woman they love and rising to the occasion every time. Now we have the added pressure that if we can't get it up and give our wife a good seeing to, she can divorce us. If you weren't suffering from penile dysfunction before, you may well do now! I think there should be another reason for divorce created to cite women who don't have the necessary fellatio skills to keep a man at full mast. Believe me, I've met a few of them.

#4 - Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm

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Image by diglesias

What? My dad never told me that. All these years I've been performing the sexual equivalent of stuffing a turkey and I never knew it. A lot of guys don't even think about her pleasure during sex because it's so easy to get lost in the moment. Thinking about it from a female perspective though, it makes sense. In, out. In, out. In, out. Yeah, I can see how that might get a bit boring after a while. The key is to master the clit using your fingers, tongue and any other body part you think can do the job. One of the best positions to get her clit going is doggy style with a manual reacharound. Try it and become a stud today.

#3 - Your penis can explode

I've watched an entire TV documentary on sex disasters and things that go wrong during sex and it has changed the way I look at sex forever. I remember one in particular involving a Romanian man and his sexy 18 year-old girlfriend. If you've ever had an erection so hard you felt like it could burst, imagine how this guy felt. His erection was so hard, firm and manly that the blood cavities in the penis actually burst. Can I get an overwhelming "Ouch!" from the guys reading this? And it's not just your penis exploding you need to worry about. There's something a lot more common that nobody told me about until it happened to me. The dreaded 'banjo string'. If you don't know what the banjo string is, it's the piece of skin between the penis and the foreskin and is officially known as the frenulum. If you've been circumcised congratulations, you probably haven't even got a banjo string. If you haven't, there is a good chance that rough sex can 'snap' this little bit of skin and it bloody hurts. And bleeds. A lot.

#2 - Only 1 in 400 men can give themselves oral sex

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Image by DanOrange

While it's not surprising that only 1 man out of every 400 has the size and/or flexibility to perform fellatio on themselves, what is really embarrassing is that most of, if not all of, the 400 men have tried to give themselves oral. I find it a slap in the face to evolution that men created the wheel, flew to the moon, invented electricity and learnt to fly, yet they still attempted to suck themselves off in the bathroom. If you're laughing while you read this, then chances are you've tried this yourself. If you have a smug grin on your face while you read this, then maybe you should consider a career in porn.

#1 - Men have a G-spot too

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Image by mzocher

Men actually have a spot which, when stimulated, can induce pleasure in much the same way as the female G-spot. The irony of this is that to pleasure ourselves in this way we have to explore areas of our body that most straight men would prefer not to explore. For some reason, our prostate is the source of this pleasure and it happens to be buried deep in our dirtbox. If you want to explore the joy of rubbing this sacred spot, you need to insert one (or two if you're feeling brave) fingers directly into your anus. I experienced this completely by accident one evening when an ex-girlfriend decided to surprise me with an impromptu anal probing. Needless to say, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing as a result. If you're brave enough to try it, lube up. Trust me, it won't be anywhere near as enjoyable going in dry.

I had to learn all of this (and much, much more) through my own investigation and experimentation because my father only ever gave me two pieces of advice before I became sexually active:

  1. Shag as many women as you can while you're still young.

  2. Don't get her pregnant or bring home any infections.

If you have any sex information or advice that you think people should know about, or you want to share the key points of your own sex talk with your dad, leave a message in the comments. Ladies, feel free to comment too on things guys do wrong in the sack or things they should do more often and if your mother gave you some brilliant sex advice then for the love of God, please share it with us too.

[...] along came the Internet

[...] along came the Internet providing a wealth of information including this list of 10 things your dad never told you about sex. How’s that for [...]

i live in fear of the banjo

i live in fear of the banjo string, honest to god how much does it hurt on a scale of 1-10 and would it be worth it to get rid of it?

I think one thing missed was

I think one thing missed was if a girl is going to give you a BJ help her! If she does it wrong and you just want to get off, she will continue to do it wrong. That is pretty much the rubric for any sexual encounter really. Feedback is insanely important, if you have multiple levels of pleasure(I'm sure we all do) try to keep track and respond the same way, ie facial expressions or what ever other things you may do. It helps the one pleasing you know what you like.
Pain and pleasure have very similar looks to them, try to have a look that can make it easier for them to see the difference. As time passes you and partner will be able to cover new ground much faster with these queues. That goes for her as well. Then the real fun begins, I believe its in the #10 category....

[...] read more | digg story

[...] read more | digg story [...]

Ok... I just want to say that

Ok... I just want to say that the guys sucking themselves off made me laugh! I pictured my husband trying to do it to himself and I laughed so hard! I also want to say that women prefer a variety and sure a guy with a big dick could be a plus but... no woman wants to hurt during sex... personally, I prefer a guy with an average size penis. Big ones are way too much for me. As for the threesomes... I do not recommend it to people with jealousy streaks. My husband and I have had a few threesomes. All of which were fmf. I quite enjoyed it and I know my husband loved watching me with the other woman. If you want to try to get your woman to open up to a threesome, then bring it up while having sex. Don't mention you wanting to fuck her friend, but mention watching her with another woman and see where it goes from there. On a personal level, I love watching my husband with another woman. It's a fetish... I know... but it is just so amazing watching another woman get an orgasm from my man. I dk. But that's all I have to say about that. AMAZING artical.

[...] Questo articolo ? una

[...] Questo articolo ? una traduzione adattata del post “10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex“. Le informazioni roportate sono corrette anche se espresse in maniera leggera. [...]

About the headache thing... I

About the headache thing... I find it hard to orgasm when i have a headache. Without thinking i'm going to orgasm, i don't want to have sex with you. i'm sorry. get over it.

[...]    ok, so in my

[...]    ok, so in my random perusing of the web and random sites i came across this article: 10 things your dad never told you about sexand i just had to read it. From comparing the tort-is and the hair to sex theories to telling the [...]

If you've been circumcised,

If you've been circumcised, the banjo thing really isn't that common - if it has happened then you've done something wrong, it's not way excusable to be circumcised and ultimately losing all the nerves on the glans. Dumb logic.

Sex is never like in a porno

Sex is never like in a porno movie? All I can say is, you must be a lousy lover if thats your experience.

that was great article! good

that was great article! good to know what women think about sex! i have personally learnt alot from the article. the anus massage fing is kind of weird! tho never tried it.... good job everyone i ges there is a lot to learn from the male and female sexuality! Adios!

Hey, I have always wondered

Hey, I have always wondered this...Guys please answer... Why do mean always say "Your so beautiful" when you are giving the head? Is this something you are told by your fathers? How bout saying it when we AREN"T giving you head.....BUT PLEASE STILL ANSWER MY QUESTION AS WHY!!

i love sex i have it all the

i love sex i have it all the time it keeps my girlfriend and me happy specialy whaen she lets me watch her shave her pussy that makes me warm inside lol

I gotta say to the men who

I gotta say to the men who think that their prostate is a dead animal - you don't know what you're missing, and really, who cares about ya? Stay in the dark, and endure the rest of yer lives with yer boring, vanilla, repressed sex lives.

But please - put a clamp on the idiotic excuses about why you shouldn't explore stimulating your prostate. "My doctor said the male has NO g-spot..." "It's only for taking a crap...!" Blah, blah, blah. You want to get at it and see what all the fuss is about, or you don't. Simple. But to argue against the realiy of our physiology is idiotic and SCREAMS of the real reason - you'd have to penetrate your anus! Or... be penetrated! "No, not that! Anything but THAT! That's... that's... that's GAY! Aaaaaahhhhhhh!"

And yer not GAY, damnit!

So shut up.

BANJO STRING? HAHA THATS WAS

BANJO STRING? HAHA THATS WAS FUNNY AS HELL

You have to be careful with

You have to be careful with some girls' clits. They can actually be overly sensitive to touch and actually cause pain. And some woman actually do get off just on vaginal stimulation though it's more unusual.

I wouldn't go as far as one

I wouldn't go as far as one did to say that there is a ratio of "love making" to "let's just bang.." but there is a sort of balance. Honestly it depends on the mood. If you can pick up on a few hints that's great, if not just ask her.. "Can I make love to you, or eff your brains out?" Some days I'm feeling a bit depressed and I want a bit of love. And then again I can go into a little rough sex streak for weeks. Just depends.

And.. coming from a girl with a B cup, doesn't matter the size. If she likes you sucking on the girls, she effing wants it. Oh and don't just go for the nipples, they're great, but there is sensitive skin running around the ribs/breasts that is begging to be licked.

Unless she's comfortable with it, don't tell your friends, keep your mouth shut.

Size doesn't matter. Don't be lazy. Be open and honest.. Clit is wonderful, but isn't always necessary. If it came down to one thing about sex- just talk to each other.

Don't be afraid to talk to

Don't be afraid to talk to your partner about sex. If something's not working for you, be nice about it, but SPEAK UP!!!! The best way to make them comfortable enough to do the same, is to do it first. I promise you, if you do it right nobody's feelings will get hurt. Try making a few gentle suggestions like "Mmm, that feels good...i think it would be really sexy if you _____ ." But always avoid criticizing.
Oh, and, guys...try and give a little positive reinforcement. If your girl is on top, don't just sit there and stare. Yeah, I know, we look great on top. Nothing wrong with just enjoying the ride and admiring the view. But you have to give us a little something. Be more vocal!! Say what you're thinking about our tits, how sexy we look with our hair in our eyes, the way we bite our lips. And little appreciative moan or grunt now and then goes a long way. (Never fake it!!!) But unless she has fantasies about fucking a ninja, try and remember that you're not in your high school bedroom anymore.
Everyone's a little different. Always listen. Don't ever be afraid to try something new and different, and even (super) kinky. But try your best to give some notice.

Oh and, by the way...no girl has ever been fooled by someone trying to "sneak it in the back door". We both know that's not my pussy!!!! Come on, be a gentleman, fingers first!

I think the biggest tips I

I think the biggest tips I could tell a man is not to make assumption about what a woman likes, such as: don't assume she'll appreciate you going down on her or that roughness is going to be a turn on. . .

And to the young men: if you're not going to even try to please the woman, then you can't get angry when she kicks you off.

Number 3 made me cringe, but

Number 3 made me cringe, but I notice that for gay men most of these don't apply. We get it easy and it is much like a porno, threesomes? Yeah, screaming orgasms? Definately...

Great read though, was quite amusing.

To the poster who cant

To the poster who cant believe women make an excuse NOT to have sex and wondered why women say they dont want sex because of headaches.

I dont know if you have tried to have sex with a headache but i have, and ohh my god its awful! I started having sex and got a headache during the act, oh its like the worst headache ever, makes you feel like your brain is about to explode with the pressure!!! Try having sex with a headache and i swear the blood pressure from being aroused and breathing differently will make it worse!
Its the same when masturbating also, even if i really want to continue, it becomes unbearable!, and thats just a severe headache and not a migraine.

Something i wish id have been told - 'Its not always about the Orgasm, take time just exploring each other, even if neither of you climax, if you dont then its not really a big deal'

After reading a few comments

After reading a few comments from mostly men, but also women, I realized that many will say "all women... most women...". Well most women are not the same in bed; take it from a lesbian. Some women like a fast hammering, while others feel more comfortable with nice and sensual in and out. Some like to be dominated while others will enjoy taking over their partner, even though it may not seem like it in their everyday life... I'm sorry to tell you this guys, but the key is to talk WITH YOUR PARTNER about what she likes. Don't have to wait until it's done and you are half asleep. Ask her about what you are doing in the moment, if she likes it, she wants it faster or softer, etc. You feel stupid to do it first few times and it has taken me a few women until I had the nerve to ask it, but believe me, it will bring you a lot.
And being lesbian doesn't make it any different... We're still women and complicated.

To make it simple: You can't know if you don't ask.

Unlike most girls', my first

Unlike most girls', my first time was great. :) Did'nt hurt a bit. But guys- PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE dont just fuck us, give us a liitle something too!

hi buddy..u use marriot

hi buddy..u use marriot bathrobes..which marriot hotel was that..

I'm a female and after

I'm a female and after reading the comments i feel like i'm missing out. My boyfriend started to go down on me once, and told me it tasted bad and hasn't done it ever again. And he's only fingered me longer than 10 seconds once. I don't know what to do. He tells me that since I enjoy getting my ass spanked, and since he likes spanking it, that its even to the blow jobs i give him.

Ok, reader...you need to dump

Ok, reader...you need to dump him. With a quickness. He seems like a prick, and not worth your time. I'm sure you taste great...I bet he's gay.

[...] 10 Things Your Dad

[...] 10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex? Interesting reading here! [...]

i like this site, it many

i like this site, it many thing to learn.

http://perfect-choice-perfume.blogspot.com

I agree with all except the

I agree with all except the 'sex isn't always like a porno'.

With the right person, it always IS.

great article enjoyed reading

great article enjoyed reading it

been following your article

been following your article nice one!

[...] Just A Guy Thing [...]

[...] Just A Guy Thing [...]

[...] 10 Things Your Dad

[...] 10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex on JustaguyThing. A cool and interesting post here. [...]

[...] 10 Things Your Dad

[...] 10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex on JustaguyThing. A cool and interesting post here. [...]

Test the advice given above

Test the advice given above

[...] Here is a good list of

[...] Here is a good list of the 10 things your dad never told you about sex. [...]

of course its not like a

of course its not like a porno your not screwing ugly nasty skanks u should be thanfull its way better then a porn

I have been told by several

I have been told by several men that I have porn star sex ;)

I think that the comments about the brain being the most important sex organ are true, if you can talk about sex with your partner, and discuss what you both like, you will have much MUCH better sex, and talking about it can get you both excited, and works as great foreplay! Don't be afraid to try new things, and if you dont like it, dont do it again, but chances are you will find out you like a lot more than you thought!

I love being dominated, but some times its fun to be in charge too. I also love it hard and hot, but i love soft and sensual just as much, variety is the best!

I'm really tired of people thinking that if a man enjoys anal stimulation he is somehow gay... a friend of mine recently while discussing this topic said "but doesnt that make him gay...?" i was like how does that make any sense? being gay is about being attracted to other men rather than women, and has absolutely nothing to do with anal...

There are way too many taboos and double standards surrounding sex that it can feel almost impossible to get past them, but once you do, and embrace your full sexuality, the world is a much better place :)

sex is like a meal to be

sex is like a meal to be eaten slowly and savored unless her husband could walk in at any moment.

I'm learning so much at

I'm learning so much at JustAGuyThing! Very insightful!

...how about dad should have

...how about dad should have told us the many wonderful methods of taking care of ourselves, when chasing the girls outta our leagues ended fruitlessly????

OK i am 23 will soon be 24 my

OK i am 23 will soon be 24 my man is 20 far from 21. he acts like hes 14 or 15. i have talked and talk to i am blue in the face even wrote letter on what he's doing wrong. yet every time i trun around....whats wrong why wont you tell me whats wrong? i cant read your mind yet agin i have talked to him then wrote letters please help!!!!!I broke up with him yesterday and i had to hide from him and hear my friends tell me he was trying to talk to them and he wouldnt stop crying! we have only been together for almost 4 months.

 
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