Buyer Beware: R. Kelly Wants To Take You On A Cruise
In a move that will have his entire PR team shitting bricks until the boat returns to port with everyone intact and accounted for, R. Kelly has decided to throw a big ole' cruise for his fans. I mean, nothing untoward could ever take place with R. Kelly, a thousand of his biggest fans, and 500 bedrooms, could it?
The cruise ain't cheap, with double occupancy rooms for the five-day cruise starting at $1,500. However, if you're really into black women that probably LOVE to have sex, then this cruise could very well be your Woodstock. I mean, this is a guy that they love even after a video surfaced of him pissing on a 14 year-old girl. Just think about the stuff they'll be down for. It would be most anything!
Of course, I'm just highlighting the best possible scenario. Worst scenario: you're dumb enough to bring your girlfriend to this cruise, R. Kelly has sex with her, then her body is found floating in the Carribean a few days later. Eh, maybe it would be worse if she disappeared for two hours, you both arrive home safely, and you had to spend the rest of your life wondering if your girlfriend/wife had sex with R. Kelly.
So, if you want to roll the dice, book your weird, weird trip right here.