The New York Times has a piece on Americans' TV viewing habits over the past year, drawn from studies by the Nielsen Company. It turns out that the average American watched 34 hours of TV per week last year. This doesn't surprise me, but the fact that that statistic doesn't surprise me saddens me, which is something of a surprise. So ultimately, I am surprised by this statistic.

What are Americans watching? The same crap they always do. "Glee", a bunch of celebrities and Sarah Pain's daughter dancing, guys at junkyards and pawnshops yelling at each other, and "Hawaii Five-o". Also, "Jersey Shore" and a bunch of football. (Eight of the top ten programs were football games.) Surprisingly, people like to watch celebrities dance, but not skate. "Skating with the Stars" couldn't hold a million people. Weird.

What aren't Americans watching? CNN, the Hallmark Channel, and VH1, which could be viewed as a small victory for the intellectuals out there.

My prediction for trends in TV this year:

- Shows that don't show people eating cake, but rather consuming mass amounts of it.

- A talk show that solely focuses on why "Two and a Half Men" sucks.

- Six different shows about a guy and a girl that solves crimes on a cruise ship. But, you know, sexy.

- 7,263 shows about a fat guy who inexplicably has a hot wife, despite the fact that he's a janitor at a bakery or some shit.