Image by Mikhaela Reid

It’s a Friday night, you’re dressed to thrill and you’re sat in a lovely restaurant with a sexy looking lady. You’re both sipping on champagne and enjoying each others company. Then, out of nowhere, you deliver a burp so powerful that it resonates throughout the restaurant - leaving your date, and the patrons of said restaurant, in a stunned state of silence.

We’d like to think that most men are aware of proper dating etiquette but, for the socially-inept among us, we’d like to educate you on a few dating sins and how to avoid them. Knowing how to act when you’re dating a woman will make you seem normal and gentlemanly, as opposed to weird, possessive and a potential stalker risk!

Sin #7 - Lavishing her with flowers and gifts

Now we’re not saying you should never send your woman flowers. In fact, it can be a very romantic gesture to give her flowers and gifts. It crosses the grey area of stalkersville when you send a hundred red roses and a giant teddy with “I <3 You" on his tummy to her office after just two dates together. Moderation is the key here and if you bombard her with gifts too soon, you could find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order.

How to avoid it:

You can be romantic without going over the top on grand gestures. Next time you’re on a date, bring her a single red rose as a gift (assuming of course that you’re taking her to a nice restaurant and not the McDonalds drive-thru). It’s sweet, classy and thoughtful without emitting psycho vibes.

Sin #6 - Letting her get her own way every time

Despite what they may tell you, women actually love a challenge more than men. Once they feel like they’ve got you completely figured out - the thrill wears off and they will start to lose interest in you. Nobody wants a walkover partner who will just agree to everything you say. It’s just plain boring and before you know it, she’s stepping out with someone else while you’re stuck at home folding your laundry into neat piles because “that’s the way she told me to do it”.

How to avoid it:

Challenge her! Don’t be a doormat and stand your ground when you want to do something. Football night with the guys coincides with your movie night? Sorry, love, but football wins. Break a few dates with her at the last minute to show that you’re still not totally about her. It’ll drive her crazy but she will enjoy the chase of trying to get you.

Sin #5 - Bombarding her with phone calls

This is a similar scenario to sending her lots of gifts and flowers with an added twist: drunk dialing. A great deal of men will practically harass women with phone calls and texts looking to get together again. Women see it as a desperate desire to have sex with them and contrary to popular male belief - it’s not a turn on! Drunk dialing is worse still because chances are it will be late at night and you’ll leave a drunken message on her answer phone. Your slurred speech and occasional hiccup isn’t going to make her come over and sleep with you; despite your declaration that you’ll “fu*k her brains out”.

How to avoid it:

Don’t be so desperate. If she said she would call then wait for her to make the first move. Go out and meet other people instead of sitting by the phone waiting for a call. It’s very unbecoming for a gentleman to get fixated on one person. If you’re going to get drunk then leave your phone at home. If you do take it out, nominate a wing man to stop you from calling or texting any women while you’re wasted. You’ll thank him in the morning.

Sin #4 - Checking out other women

Occasionally we all like to observe an attractive looking female while in the company of our date but, believe it or not, most women don’t like it. Worse still, some brave souls actually make their observations vocal. “She’s hot - look at that ass!” for example. This is a particular problem when at the movies, watching TV or watching a DVD on movie night and you make casual observations about Natalie Portman’s stripping technique and how she could swing on your pole anytime she liked.

How to avoid it:

The main way to avoid it is to not vocalize your opinions to your lady friend. If you want to get anywhere with her, you’ll keep your mouth shut. Be more subtle with your roaming eye to reduce the chances of getting caught. Following the seconds hand on a clock for five minutes will improve your focus but may not stop your eyes from wandering if a leggy blonde waltzs past you. If you do get busted, make an observation about the subject. For example, “Her dress is nice. I think you’d look even better in it with your sexy long legs.”

Sin #3 - Being too over-protective and jealous

Nothing can sabotage a relationship quicker than an over-protective boyfriend. Her friends will hate you first and foremost; which means they’ll be telling her to ditch you and find someone better. If you start getting jealous of her friendship with another guy, she’s going to see that as a sign you’re not trustworthy yourself. In her eyes, if you think she’d cheat in that kind of situation then it’s because you yourself would also cheat in the same scenario. Get it?

How to avoid it:

Next time she talks about going to the bars with her friends, ask to join them. Make yourself a part of her social circle and you’ll be praised by her friends for years to come. You’ve all got your girlfriend in common so it shouldn’t be too difficult to make friends and all have a good time together. Make sure you don’t hit on her hot friend though - it will come back to haunt you!

Sin #2 - Copping a feel in public

Unless you’ve been together a while or your girl is an exhibitionist (lucky you!), grabbing her boobs and ass in public is a sure-fire way to get a slap in the mouth and end the date. If your girl is drunk and you’re copping a feel, be warned. It’s ungentlemanly and it will eventually get back to her that you were taking advantage of her drunken state. Obviously, if a girl grabs your junk on the dance floor first, she has initiated the gropefest and you can now fondle at will!

How to avoid it:

Keep in mind that if you play your cards right, you could have your hands all over her body for hours without the risk of any feminine backlash. Treat her like a gentleman, flirt with her and you will be able to do much more than cop a quick feel. If she’s too drunk, take care of her and don’t take advantage. She’ll appreciate it in the morning - once she sobers up.

Sin #1 - “Smile for me, baby.”

Although there are probably many more sins such as lack of spontaneity or being too negative about anything and everything, commanding a girl to smile is a pet peeve for a lot of women! You are invalidating her feelings by making her pretend she’s having a good time when, clearly, she isn’t. It’s also a bit condescending to be flat out told to smile and there is always a good reason why she isn’t grinning.

How to avoid it:

Instead of asking her to smile falsely, actually learn how to make women laugh and use your new found knowledge to build a connection with her. If you’re doing it right, she’ll smile without needing any prompts or commands from you.

Obviously there are many more sins to avoid when dating such as burping, farting and telling stupid jokes you read in an e-mail. Leave some comments with the worst things girls (or guys) have done while you were on a date with them and we’ll all have a good laugh at their expense.

Image by maveric2003 *Image changed because she DID look like a 10 year-old girl!

A lot of men struggle with the basic concept of flirting. I’ve seen it myself with friends looking to hook up with a girl in a bar who tried everything in their tired and clichéd arsenal of pick up lines. Believe it or not, the following quote is not going to help you get the girl:

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

Source: CO-ED Magazine

The main problem guys have with flirting is that they relate it directly to sex. If I flirt with the girl for long enough, she’s more likely to have sex with me. Women, on the other hand, view flirting as nothing more than some harmless fun with no determined end-game.

The differences between male and female flirting

Dutch-born psychoanalyst Manfred Kets de Vries blames the male super-ego. “A man behaving selfishly will ignore the implicit conduct of flirting in the blatant pursuit of sex.” He’s basically saying that if we were in a cave, the man would fling the woman over his shoulder and stomp away.

As far as human behaviours are concerned, flirting is the one that confuses us most. According to evolutionary psychologists flirting is man’s way of engaging pleasurably with a member of the opposite sex, with the ultimate goal of reproduction. Now call me crazy, but most men looking to pick up a girl are not thinking about having children with the woman! Regardless, women view flirting as a way of checking out the merchandise without compromising their virtue. So women use flirting to get attention, and men use it to initiate sex - but how do you untangle this web of crossed wires?

The key to flirting successfully

You’d think that common sense might help you to flirt more successfully, but you’d be wrong. And here’s why. Dr Antonio Darmasio, MD and head of neurology at the University of Iowa, claims that the reason it all goes wrong is because the process of flirting actually mimics brain damage. “The limbic system, responding to a cue that says ‘this person is attractive’, overrides the neo-cortex. Therefore, for a brief moment, we are completely out of control.” Now this quote won’t hold up in court should you ever get too out of control with a girl but it does explain why we struggle to flirt.

Understanding the brain’s response to flirting should help us to engage with women on their level, rather than as a covert operation to get naked with her! Here are some ideas for flirting successfully without coming across like a sex-crazed lunatic:

• Keep contact to a minimum. Nothing is more powerful in the flirting world than well-timed and placed body contact. Touching a woman should be the same as using your Diesel Fuel For Life aftershave. Use With Caution! If you overdo it, you’ll appear overbearing and creepy. The best times to engage physical contact are when you’re standing together or when putting her coat on. When standing together you can lean in close and place your hand on the small of hear back, as if you were telling her a secret. Putting her coat on at the end of the evening allows you to lift her hair up over the back of her coat. Very subtle and sensual but she will notice.
• Avoid over-confidence. If you’ve got all the right words and know exactly what to say to get her interested in you, there is a danger that she’ll take you as one of those slippery guys who have played women one too many times. She’ll be imagining you as the guy who flirts for sport and prefers the thrill of the chase to the catch. I’ve known a few of these cads myself and although he was successful with the women, it never amounted to more than a one night stand. That’s not being a man at all.
• Don’t play it too cool. Some guys prefer to take the ‘mysterious and cool’ approach by appearing dark and brooding from afar. This is all well and good but be aware than you have a limited window of opportunity to talk to her before you turn into the weird stalker who won’t stop looking at her. Another downside to this method is the tendency to sit and watch as other guys attempt to talk to the object of your affection. Don’t sit and sulk in the corner giving the death stare to any man who dares talk to your woman. You’ll come across as jealous and lacking in self confidence. Both unbecoming character traits. Instead, enjoy your evening and when she is available, just head over and talk to her. It’s really not rocket science!
• Don’t flirt with every girl in the bar. Women talk. With their friends and with strangers at the bar or in the toilet. Find a girl you’re interested in and focus on her. If it doesn’t work out then you might need to move on to the next place to find somebody else. Women will be extremely wary of a man who she has seen talking to other women in the club. You may be a masterful flirt, but you’re seeking an audience and in the end you’re only amusing yourself and are not really that interested in any of the women. They’ll pick up on it and before you know it you’ll be known as the annoying guy who sends dirty text messages an hour after meeting someone in a bar.

Technology and it’s impact on flirting

Technology has added an entirely new dimension to the flirting game. You can now use text, e-mail and instant messenger to flirt, but you find yourself trying to become a wordsmith to formulate the perfect combination of words. It’s now a digital minefield as well. However, I think that if used correctly, communicating in this way can help you to become more successful. Here’s why:

• You have time to think about your message. Rather than being put on the spot in a face-to-face setting, you have time to put together a message or a reply without having to do it immediately. This removes the pressure and allows you to flirt more effectively.
• You can be more open via text. Things you would never dare to say in person can now be said through a message. The beauty of this is that if she takes it the wrong way you can say it was a joke but the message didn’t convey the sarcastic tone intended (yes, I have used that before to get out of an inappropriate text) or you can be a little unscrupulous and just never speak to her again.
• What you say in text messages often becomes what you say in real life. Back in the single days I was a bit of a master at the whole text flirting game, regularly with 4 or 5 women texting me at any given time. As my confidence grew, I found there was a great deal of transference from my text game to my face-to-face game. I was more open, more outrageous and more confident and the end result was that approaching women was easier and more successful than ever before.

Now, obviously I’m not a psychologist or psychoanalyst but I am a self-taught flirt with a lot of experience and a lot of success. My final advice to you is to flirt wherever you can. Build up your confidence talking to waitresses, barmaids, checkout girls, or even your friends mother! There’s no harm in flirting and it will boost your confidence so that when you meet someone you really like, you know what to do.

If you’ve had some great flirting experiences or know a method that’s worked wonders for you in the past, then let us know in the comments.

Image by un4gtableann

Did you know that 55% of the impression we get from someone is communicated through their body language? 38% is from the tone, speed and inflection of their voice, and a tiny 7% is from what they’re actually saying! (This doesn’t mean you can talk about your love of tuna fish all night!)

The topic of body language is a vast subject which would need at least it’s own article to even scratch the surface so, for purposes of brevity, we’ll keep things simple for now.

Reading Her Body Language

Body language consists of two basic types of gestures. Open gestures and closed gestures. In their most basic form, open gestures are displayed when women are either interesting in, and attracted to the person presented to her. Closed gestures are displayed when she is not.

Being able to read these signs and use them to your advantage will not only make you more successful with women, it will also allow you to cut your losses and not waste your time on women who simply aren’t interested. Today we’ll be looking at the closed gestures you will see during your dating life. These are body language signs which mean she doesn’t really like you and will break your heart if you get too attached. I find it best in situations where I see at least two closed gestures being displayed to simply cut my losses and walk away. Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

The Five Closed Body Language Gestures

Gesture 1 – The Roll

If you’ve struck up conversation, and your trying your best lines to impress her, look at her eyes. If she rolls her eyes at the things you say, she is showing embarrassment at your presence and is displaying to everyone else that she’s just not interested. Walk away. You don’t have much of a chance with this girl.

Gesture 2 – The X Zone

If she has her arms crossed, she’s not open to you and what you have to offer her. It’s a tell-tale sign that she is either nervous, uncomfortable, agitated or she simply doesn’t like you. Try changing your strategy and see if her body language becomes more relaxed and open.

Gesture 3 – The Poker Hand

This is when she plays her cards close to her chest (just like a poker player) and doesn’t show you her wrists, palms or the inside of her arms. She’s very guarded and doesn’t feel comfortable with you. Change tactic and see if she warms to you, if not then fold your hand (pun intended!).

Gesture 4 – (Reverse) Leaning Tower of Love

If she’s leaning away from you or her posture is stiff, it’s a sure-fire sign that she wants out of the situation and you’re wasting your time. The night is young and there are many women who’d be more receptive to your advances.

Gesture 5 – The Statue

This is kind of a no-brainer, however you wouldn’t believe the number of guys that do not pick up on this gesture! If she’s sitting with her head resting in her hand with downcast eyes she is bored and not interested in anything you have to say. Politely make your excuses and walk away with your head held high.

Obviously, when you’re out in the dating battlefield these gestures are only guidelines and you should follow your gut instinct wherever possible. If you notice her using one of these gestures, don’t panic and run for the door! If her arms and crossed and her back is stiff she might just be cold, or her friends are all hooking up with guys and she feels left out. If you want to talk to her, then go ahead. Be friendly and smile.

I’d suggest using the rule of four here. If she displays four of the five gestures I’ve mentioned then don’t bother. Any less then it’s down to your social skills and charm to turn it around and get her interested in you.

The next time you notice a good looking girl from across the room, make eye contact with her. When she notices you, give her a smile (and maybe a wink!) and get over there to talk to her. The introduction is key when you’re actually engaging with her.

“I can’t believe the way you were checking me out over there like I’m a piece of meat! What’s that all about? I’m Christian, by the way. What’s your name?”

We’ll cover more ground on body language and how to talk to women in later articles, so why not subscribe to our RSS feed so that you don’t miss out?