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As a by-product of continuing emasculation, the modern man has found himself yearning the company of men. Often for one man in particular. Welcome to the man crush.

In days gone by, men could do things. Things like fixing the car themselves and changing the oil, fishing, owning a shed full of tools and being able to build things from scratch with a few bits of scrap wood, a hammer and some nails. If we needed further proof that our lives have been emasculated we only need to look at the No More Nails product. Now it probably does get the job done just as well as nails, but it’s not manly unless you’re banging nails in at the wrong angle with your hammer.

Modern man is a pale, disheveled shadow of his former self and it’s our distinct lack of a male compass that leads us into man crushes.

What is a man crush?

A man crush isn’t technically a crush in the traditional sexual sense of the word. It’s more like looking to men with certain skills and talents as our leaders. To teach us their ways. Whether it’s the guy with the well paid job, the man who always gets the girls or even the guy with a cool sense of fashion and style.

Often you’ll find yourself making excuses to your girlfriend in a desperate attempt to spend another Saturday night with him rather than her. It boils down to projecting who you can’t be – or things you can’t do – onto other men.

Take The Fonz from Happy Days for example. Richie, Potsie and Ralph all looked up to him. Three total geeks seeking guidance. They wanted to be The Fonz. Let’s face it, who didn’t? He rode motorbikes, was a tough guy and got all the ladies. The fact that he was an unemployed mechanic who lived in a garage and spent most of his time hanging out with teenage boys is irrelevant. The primeval urge to bond with and look up to men manifests itself in their complete devotion to this alpha male.

It’s a simple fact that when not trying to get into some hot girls pants, men will always prefer to hang around with other men.

Do I have a man crush?

Now there are probably men reading this who think that, although they know other men that they like and enjoy spending time with, the terms ‘bromance’ and ‘man crush’ are a little bit of an over-exaggeration. Well, picture this scenario:

You’ve just been asked out on a date by a gorgeous blonde woman when you bump into George Clooney. George invites you to a poker game at his house. The Oceans 11/12/13 guys will be there and no women are allowed. Which would you choose?

It’s an absolute no-brainer. Welcome to the world of man-crushes my emasculated friend.

If you’ve got a man crush on someone, famous or otherwise, and aren’t afraid to admit it then drop us a comment and let us know why you admire this person so.

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Mainstream sport can be pretty tame. Although there are some big hits in American football, the players have more padding than a teenage girl in a training bra. In Europe, soccer players will collapse to the floor in apparent agony at the slightest hint of physical contact. Here at Just A Guy Thing, we like to see sports that challenge men to push themselves beyond the mental, emotional, and physical boundaries of these rather soft sporting occasions.

With this in mind we have scoured the four corners of the globe to find our favorite manly sports that will literally kick your ass. (Technically, some of these are not actually sports but the headline 5 Manly Physical Activities That Will Seriously Kick Your Ass just doesn’t have the same ring to it.)

#5 Sepik War Canoe Racing in Papua New Guinea

What is it?

Exactly what it says. Competitors have to race 14km upstream while standing in a canoe in the finale to the War Canoe & Kundu Festival. In terms of flow, the Sepik River is one of the largest in the world, just to make it a bit more challenging.

Why is it so manly?

Forget for a second about the crocodiles and other dangerous creatures lurking in the river and focus on the race itself. Have you ever tried standing up in a canoe? It’s not as easy as it looks to keep your balance! Add that to the fact that you’ve then got to row yourself almost 9 miles against a very strong current and you’re looking at a very grueling afternoons work ahead of you. To complete the race you’ll need balance, stamina and the mental strength to continue when you really don’t want to.

#4 Nguni Stick Fighting in South Africa

What is it?

This is a martial art practiced by young men in South Africa. Combatants are armed with two long sticks. One is used for defending blows and the other is used to whack your opponent without mercy until they bleed or give up from the pain.

Why is it so manly?

Didn’t you hear what we just said? You hit your opponent with unrelenting fury until they either bleed in copious amounts or give up due to the extreme pain of being repeatedly battered across the shins with a long stick. The Zulu guys are hardcore. They wear no armor or protective padding. They are also looking to develop this into a recognized martial art with rules and competitions so look out for an Nguni stick fighting school near you soon.

#3 Laamb Wrestling in Senegal

What is it?

It’s a Senegalese martial art that combines orthodox wrestling with bare-knuckle boxing. Traditionally, young men fought to prove their manliness, court the ladies and bring honor to their village. Nowadays, they fight for money.

Why is it so manly?

Well, aside from the funny dancing the competitors perform prior to the fight, it’s a true display of strength and courage. You have to beat your opponent down so that both knees or his back are touching the ground. This is done by punching them constantly with bare-knuckles and then flinging them around like a rag doll in the hands of a devilish 6 year-old girl. Proper macho mano-a-mano alpha male type shenanigans.

#2 Self-Transcendence 3,100 Mile Race in Jamaica

What is it?

Well it’s a 3,100 mile race around a track in Queens, Jamaica of course. What were you expecting from that title?

Why is it so manly?

Strictly speaking, it could be womanly too - seeing as more than one woman has completed the course. Regardless, it’s manly because runners must complete 5,649 laps of a .5488 of a mile course in a mere 51 days. That equates to about 61 miles a day, every day, for almost two months. You’ll need tremendous courage, physical stamina, concentration and the capacity to endure fatigue and boredom. You might also need to rest your feet for a while before going back to your 9-to-5.

#1 The Tough Guy Survival Course in England

What is it?

It’s an endurance race based just 30 minutes from our HQ (that we had never heard of until researching for this article) that involves an eight-mile cross country run before being faced with an obstacle course requiring ‘the athletes‘ to crawl under barbed wire, run over burning bales of hay, swim in underwater tunnels full of icy water and negotiate their way through underground pipes.

Why is it so manly?

You mean besides the regular broken legs and bouts of hypothermia? Well, according to the Tough Guy organizer Billy Wilson, there is no other one day survival course as grueling as his. The closest, he says, is the Navy S.E.A.L’s ‘Grinder’ Assault Course but even that pales in comparison to the Tough Guy circuit. Don’t believe it? Check out the website and decide for yourself.

If you’ve uncovered a sport or physical activity more brutal than these then please let us know in the comments. We enjoy nothing more than seeing grown men beating each other to death or weeping from exhaustion and dehydration. Sadistic, we know.

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Men are widely known for their straight talking and tell-it-like-it-is attitude. But sometimes, us gentlemen say things that we really do not mean. Things that more often than not, get us into trouble. It’s written into our DNA. We have to protect our manliness at all costs. If it means bragging about scoring with a porn star you met at a strip club - then so be it. We never reveal the truth that we were actually escorted from the premises for trying to ‘fondle’ said porn star! So what common things do we say and not mean? Let’s investigate.

15. I want to learn a new language. Do we really want to learn a new language? The majority of people struggle to perfect the Queen’s English and the advent of social media sites such as Facecrap has only made it worse. You’re not going to become the voice of your generation simply because you’re talking Italian!

14. “Let’s put the tip in, just for a second to see what it feels like.” As if! This is standard practice for deflowering women the world over. There was never going to come a point when we said, “Right okay, that’s not working for me. I’ll just pull it out and put my clothes back on.”

13. “I’m only having one drink tonight, lads.” Men are genetically incapable of having just one drink at the pub! One pint quickly progresses into karaoke madness, arm-wrestling competitions, a quick fumble in the toilet with the porky barmaid we swore we’d never touch and ends with us declaring our undying love to our best mate!

12. “It’s not you, it’s me.” This is the biggest lie ever uttered by man. Even women have got in on the act and are now using it as a way to dump us! The truth is - it is you but I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You’re too fat, crap in bed, you moan all the time, your friends are hotter and you smell really bad.

11. “Yeah, Dog Day Afternoon is a masterpiece of directing.” This doesn’t particularly apply to Dog Day Afternoon, but any movie that comes up in discussion down the pub that you haven’t seen! We try to blag our way through the conversation despite knowing nothing about the film, the cast, the plot or even what constitutes a masterpiece of directing!

10. “We need to catch up soon over a pint.” Don’t you just hate bumping into that annoying twat from school who was the sports star, ladies man and all around nice guy! The only way to get rid of him short of a shotgun is to agree to meet up soon. Preferably, when hell freezes over.

9. “Your new girlfriend is lovely mate. Really nice.” Well, what else can you say? “I know you’re lonely since the love of your life dumped you for her yoga instructor, but you need to set your standards a little higher than a woman with more facial hair than ZZ Top!”

8. “Give me the hottest curry on the menu. NOW!” In a desperate bid to show our manliness, we try to convince ourselves that shoving a vindaloo down our throats is the best way to establish our male dominance. In reality, we’re crying on the inside!

7. “I’m rethinking my career choices.” Every now and again we get a little jaded with our worklife and decide to research the possibility of joining an Alaskan crab-fishing crew. Obviously, we get bored quickly and check to see if anyone posted a comment on our zany “Get Me Out Of This Office” blog.

6. “Keep that up and I’ll phone the police.” We know we won’t call the police. We’d have to repeat the post code ten times to the operator, have to let the fuzz into our home to ask us questions and then watch as they drive away - never to hear from them again. Besides, chavs measure their success through ASBO’s so really, what’s the point?

5. “I’ll pay you back mate, I promise.” To be fair, this is half true. We will, eventually, pay you back. Once we’ve paid off our 50″ LCD-HD telly, our yearly subscription to The Adult Channel, our gym membership and our brand-new Audi S3.

4. “Of course I’m listening to you, dear.” This is usually followed by a few caveman grunts and a nod or two. We’re not really listening but we are paying just enough attention to not get caught watching the football while you describe, in excruciating detail, everything that happened to you today.

3. “I’m not like other guys. I don’t kiss and tell.” This is a loop-hole in the dating system that men have exploited for years. Technically, we don’t kiss and tell. When we’re bragging to our mates about shagging you in the back of the car, the last thing we’d ever want to tell them about is the kissing!

2. “She’s just a friend.” Yeah, she’s just a really hot, big bosomed, nymphomaniac friend. Who are you trying to kid, chief?

1. “Oi! You and me, outside, right now!” In a desperate attempt to solidify our dominance in the presence of another alpha-male we try to bluff our way out of it by calling them out! For the love of God, why?? Chances are he’s going to answer your bluff with one of his own. The best you can hope for is that you’re both regretting your decision and when you get face to face, you have a bit of a shout, a few shoves and maybe beat your chest in that ever-so manly way before your mates mercifully pull you away!

What’s missing then gents (and ladies)? Drop a message in the comments and we’ll add them in.

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When someone mentions the name Chuck Norris, what is the first thing you think? If you’re anything like me you’re thinking how much of a legendary bad-ass he is! And with good reason too. The bloke is a martial artist and a Hollywood action star. He’s reached iconic status for his tough guy image. So let’s look at what makes the man, born Carlos Ray Norris, so manly.

What makes Chuck Norris so manly?

• His childhood was tough. He was bullied by kids at school, his old man was a heavy drinker and he was unathletic and shy! You can tell a lot about the strength and character of a person by the childhood they had. Chuck learned very early on that if you want to get ahead you need to be fit, strong and avoid the sauce.
• He’s got a black belt in Tang Soo Do. Getting a black belt in the Orient is a sign of manliness indeed. Chuck went to Korea a boy and came back a man. Research suggests that his rise to manliness was accelerated through the complex carbohydrates found in Korean rice.
• He was in the Air Force. Being a patriot is manliness personified. Risking life and limb for your country is a testament to the courage and bravery of the man. Also, wearing the Air Force uniform drives the ladies wild. Hell any uniform to be fair!
• He held the Professional Middleweight Karate Champion title for 6 consecutive years. He stumbled in his first two fights - which he lost - but he then went on to become a bad-ass fighter. The title he held was the non-contact title. He was unable to compete in full-contact martial arts for fear that he may kick his opponents head clean off their shoulders with his legendary roundhouse kick. His final martial arts record was 65 wins and just 6 losses (all of which he avenged with a fatal roundhouse kick)
• He became a prominent Hollywood star in a plethora of action movies. Leading men in action movies are manly. Fact. You need to command an audience and display strength and reliability. Chuck had these attributes and more. Rumour has it that on the set of Way/Return Of The Dragon, he actually taught a cleaner on set the basic martial arts moves needed to make fight scenes look authentic. The studio later hired the cleaner to play the starring role in the movie. His name was Bruce Lee.
• He is a very family-oriented man. His adult sons still hug and kiss him goodbye. A proper man’s man should love his family and treasure them above all else. This is one of the truest displays of manliness, in my opinion.
• He invented his own martial art. Chun Kuk Do is a martial art created by Norris which combines the basic principles of Tang Soo Do with elements of every other art he knows. How effin’ manly is that?

If that little list of manly treasures wasn’t enough for you, then listen to this. Chun Kuk Do includes a code of honour and rules that Chuck himself lives by:

1. I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways. Like a Royal Marines commando, Chuck strives to always achieve more and do more. A true man understands that he is never complete. There is always room for growth.
2. I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements. One of the most important tests in a man’s life is coping with mistakes. Chuck aims to put them behind him and learn from them.
3. I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family. Once again, his love for his family is shown to have great importance.
4. I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile. Compassion for other people is a rare trait in todays world. Modern men should try to renew the values of the past and treat others as they would like to be treated themselves.
5. If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing. A lot of men tarnish the reputation of an entire gender through arrogance, aggressiveness and impoliteness. Silence is golden.
6. I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own. Jealousy is very unbecoming for any man and, if nothing else, should be avoided simply because it turns women off!
7. I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness. Keeping an open mind can lead to greater personal development and growth. It might also get you that threesome with your girlfriends hot new room mate too!
8. I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times. Respect is a two way street. If you give respect, you will receive it.
9. I will always remain loyal to God, my country, family and my friends. While you may not believe in God, you should have something or someone to believe in and remain loyal to. Our beliefs give us reason to achieve our goals.
10. I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself. Nobody wants to coast through life with no goals or aims. Keeping your goals at the forefront of your mind will make it all the more satisfying when you achieve them.

That’s a pretty manly code of conduct right there. Even chivalrous knights would struggle to match that! So, do you need more proof that Chuck is the most manly man alive? Okay, then lets look at the competition.

The challengers to Chuck Norris’ Most Manly Man Alive award

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Why he is a rival: He won 5 Mr. Universe and 7 Mr. Olympia titles. He also compared working out to ejaculating which is quite possible the most manly analogy in the history of men!

Why he doesn’t beat Chuck: Any man that dons a thong, rubs ridiculously dark fake tan all over their body and then proceeds to pose on stage is not deserving of the Most Manly Man award.

Mr. T

Why he is a rival: He was a soldier, a bouncer, a bodyguard, a WWF/E wrestler, a martial arts student and an (almost) professional NFL footballer. He donned a mohawk and more jewelry than an entire Tiffany’s store!

Why he doesn’t beat Chuck: Chuck would never play a character who is afraid to fly! What a sissy!

Sylvester Stallone

Why he is a rival: The underdog story of Rocky Balboa is one of the most inspirational and motivating movies ever made; men the world over became more masculine simply through listening to the theme tune!

Why he doesn’t beat Chuck: Stallone has to inject testosterone. Chuck Norris IS testosterone.

What do you think? Could Vin Diesel take on Chuck Norris? How about Jackie Chan or Jason Statham? Can anybody be more manly than Chuck Norris? If you think so, drop a message in the comments and let us know your thoughts. Before you post, just remember: Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

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