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Summer is fast approaching us and there is a terrifying possibility looming over you: you might have to take your t-shirt off to reveal a full years worth of paunch to a beach packed with sexy babes and ripped-like-Jesus gym rats. Kids will cry. Women will stare. Men will laugh.

There are, however, a number of extreme (and mostly stupid) fad diets to help you to shift your flab in double quick time. We’ve gone through untested, occasionally illegal and often life-threatening methods for weight loss and we’re presenting six of our favorites.

Extremely Stupid Fad Diet #1 - The Lemonade Diet

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The recipe

• Lemon juice
• Cayenne pepper
• Maple syrup
• Water

The diet history

The lemonade diet was brought into the mainstream by a certain Miss Beyonce Knowles, who wanted to take some junk out of her trunk before filming the flick Dream Girls. Originally named The Master Cleanser Diet, it was created in 1941 by Stanley Burroughs, a health therapist once charged with second-degree murder after a patient died from one of his treatments. The diet eliminate toxins and congestion that have built up in the body and, because you don’t get a complete source of macro-nutrients, it is actually consider fasting rather than a diet.

Does it work?

Well, Beyonce lost 22lbs in 14 days on the diet and a whole host of celebs and normal everyday folk report good results with the diet. The only downsides are feeling lethargic, depressed, lacking focus, dizziness, nausea and the possibility of death. So, good short term weight loss, but the possibility of death makes this a bit of a risk.

Extremely Stupid Fad Diet #2 - The Raw Food Diet

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The recipe

• Errr, raw food…

The diet history

The raw food diet has been promoted by new-age hippie types since the early 1900’s. If you have to cook it over 116°F, you can’t eat it. The raw food evangelists claim that the diet predates the discovery of fire, so it’s natural for the human body.

Does it work?

Personal development guru Steve Pavlina conducted a Raw Food Diet Trial throughout January. He lost 8lbs during the month and 1.8% body fat so the diet definitely works. Be prepared for incredibly dry, cracked and itchy skin, odd-colored poop, extreme boredom and any number of the following symptoms; bad breath, chills, headaches, daytime drowsiness, mental fogginess, concentration problems, low libido, and an unstable yo-yoing of your alertness and emotional states. That said, after the initial adaptation phase, Steve indicated that he felt consistently good on this diet and improved his muscular endurance and his mental focus as a result.

Extremely Stupid Fad Diet #3 - The Backwards Diet

The recipe

• Eat dinner for breakfast
• Regular meal for lunch
• Eat breakfast for dinner

The diet history

Florida porker Tricia Cunningham lost about 170lbs by creating her own ‘reverse’ diet. Like the old adage says, “Eat like a king in the morning, a prince at lunch and a pauper at dinner.”

Does it work?

Well big Tricia went from just under 300lbs to just over 100lbs so it’s fair to say the diet works. Research shows no negative side effects to speak of, but it is definitely one of the hardest diets to stick to due to the complete change of lifestyle and eating habits required to do it. We’re men, and we want a damn steak on the table, cooked rare with some fries, onion rings and maybe a bit of salad to make the whole thing look nice for our dinner. Even though we won’t eat it.

Extremely Stupid Fad Diet #4 - The Stone Age Diet

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The recipe

• Lean meat
• Fish
• Vegetables
• Nuts

The diet history

The hunter-gather, paleolithic style diet was first popularized in the mid 1970s by a gastroenterologist named Walter L. Voegtlin. Basically, if you can shoot it, catch it or unearth it from a bush, plant or tree, you can eat it. That means bread, wine, beer, milk, grains and beans are out.

Does it work?

Writer Jimmy Lee Shreeve wrote an article for The Independent last year detailing how the paleolithic diet helped him shift his middle-age spread. If you look at the foods you eat on the diet, it’s no surprise. Lean meat, oily fish and a lot of vegetable and fruits. No sugary crap and processed junk to slow you down. In short, it’s a great diet for high priority weight loss but you’ll need a purpose such as getting ready to look good on the beach. Otherwise, the monotony and self-enforced restraint will destroy your soul. And your will to live.

Extremely Stupid Fad Diet #5 - The Russian Air Force Diet

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The recipe

• No bread
• No pasta
• No rice

The diet history

The Atkins Diet meets Rocky IV with this diet developed in the former Soviet Union to keep soldiers fit during the cold war. There is a huge emphasis on cutting carbs rather than a complete shift in eating habits and lifestyle change.

Does it work?

Like many diets which can be tailored to provide an appropriate number of calories, you will lose weight. Unfortunately, once you finish the diet, you’ll probably pack it all on again because you haven’t changed your habits. The low-carb aspect means you’ll be low on energy and you will be sick to death of mustard (the only condiment you’re allowed) by the end. Also, the excessive use of eggs in the diet means that your farts will inevitably be more deadly than an entire Soviet army.

Extremely Stupid Fad Diet #6 - The Sex Diet

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The recipe

• A lot of sex. 8 time a week, on average.

The diet history

A horny fat chick called Kerry McCloskey lost 23lbs bouncing up and down on her husband eight times a week. Technically, it’s not a diet as there are no set foods to eat. Kerry reckons that the diet encourages better nutrition and, since you burn about 200 calories in a 30-minute sex session, it’s an effective way to shift excess blubber. You can also target problem areas by turning basic exercises into foreplay. Moves like the ‘love squat’, for example.

Does it work?

Kerry got some good results from it, but to be honest, we’re pretty skeptical about this ‘diet’. While 30 minutes of exercise every day will no doubt have health benefits; allowing you to eat junk day and night makes this diet a bit of a failure. Any weight loss you do have can probably be written off to ejaculate.

Have you subjected yourself to a painstaking diet with numerous negative side effects in the pursuit of attaining a male model physique? If so, let us know in the comments.