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Is It Really Harder To Make Friends After 30?

The 'New York Times' recently ran an article positing that it's much harder to make friends in your 30's than it is when you're younger. It's hard to argue with that fact. At 32, I see one friend about every two weeks, then a handful every three months or so. It's not exactly like college. 

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But does it have to be that way? Is there a way to maintain friendships and cultivate new ones once you're older? It would seem not. Not if you want to be a grown-up. That sounds pretty bleak, but the way that many of us interacted with our friends when we were younger just isn't the way adults live. Going out to bars, movies, movie nights at houses, house parties, dinner parties with Trader Joe's food – we may do those things when we're older, but not with the frequency we once did. And it's just hard to have someone make the leap from acquaintance to friend when you're only seeing them four times per year. 

The article also states that people are often only incentivized to get back in touch with their friends after a big life event like a divorce, break-up, or career change. I can say that's true with 100% certainty. I cheer on my divorced friendswith a passion knowing that they'll become "fun" again, at least until they fall into another soul-crushing relationship. 

The theory is that people reevaluate their priorities as they get older, and socializing takes a back seat to career, kids, wife, and all that stuff that is decidedly less fun than going out to bars and getting totally dickhoused. Lame, but true. 

Here's the good news. Again, it will sound bleak, BUT...You don't need friends as much when you're older. You still need friends, you just don't need them as much, for all the reasons listed above. A rotating cast of 30 friends when you're 35 just isn't necessary because there isn't enough time to serve them all. 

So, focus on the ones you have, reduce your bar time to 1/4 of what it once was and enjoy the fact that you're an adult and can sit in the good seats at sporting events and take trips abroad. It's not so bad.

I hear. 

 

 

 
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