I have always been fascinated by the daily lives of people with interesting or bizarre jobs.  What’s a typical Tuesday like for Kobe in the off-season?  What do club promoters do during the day?  What do adult film actresses do when they’re not being filmed having sex with strangers?

Enter Twitter, a peephole into the lives of millions of different people and almost as many different professions.

There are a LOT of adult film actresses on Twitter.  I'm guessing that, anyway, because I don’t know how many porn stars are out there.  I know it’s at least 17 and probably less than 700,000.  I presume that the ratio of porn stars to porn stars on twitter skews higher than most professions because these are not terribly private people.  I’ve seen the genitals of almost all of them, and the ones I haven’t, I have their genital outline through their Juicy Couture track suits and am able to extrapolate the rest using my minds advanced genital recognition software.

Porn stars are fascinating studies in the Twitterverse because: a) it’s an interesting world about which I know next to nothing; and b) Twitter is the perfect forum for them because they’re capped at 140 characters, which is the longest you would ever want to hear a porn star pontificate about anything.

In the spirit of Twitter, I’m going to quit fucking around and get right to the point.  Here is what I have learned and observed from about 10 months of following about 15 adult film actresses.  Excuse me.  Porn stars.  Observations listed in descending order of obviousness.

1. They work out a lot.  Very insightful, I know.  But seriously, they work out a ton.  Every day for two to three hours.  They have trainers, they hike in the canyons of LA, and they rarely miss a day.
2. The almost all live in Los Angeles.  Again, no big surprise.  But given how infrequently they work and how much they tour the nation, I figured they could live anywhere.  And maybe they can live anywhere, but they just want to live in LA.  I’m pretty sure that LA and porn stars exist in a pretty copacetic fashion.
3. Most of them don’t exactly tackle hard-hitting issues in their tweets.  They seem to stick to tweets about traffic, hotel rooms, what they eat for dinner, and getting stoned.  However, when they do exercise their first amendment rights and speak out about an issue, it can be quite painful.  For instance, I received one tweet from an actress who was almost certainly jet-lagged and tired, stating that airport metal detectors were an invasion of privacy and that people should be trusted.  I started to craft a response, only to realize moments later that this pour soul was probably a lost cause.
4. Male porn stars are exactly like you think they would be.  I followed a couple for a few days and kept getting tweets about “blowing it out in the gym this AM”, rampant homophobic remarks about anyone they don’t like, calling all their female counterparts “baby”, and lots of remarks about H2’s and Corvettes.  Ugh.  At the risk of stating the obvious, I don’t recommend getting tweets from male porn stars.  You’re welcome for that tip.
5. They tour the nation stripping when they’re not having sex on camera.  This surprised me quite a bit.  I understand having a favorite actress when it comes to watching movies in the privacy of your own home or on the bus, but I can’t imagine making a special trip to a strip club if you’re a Charleston, SC resident to see Christy Cummings at Shadowdancers by the airport.  I guess it’s the same as  going to see a famous DJ at a club.  The difference being that if I’m going to catch Tiesto spinning at a club, I’m probably not going to masturbate thinking about him later on that night.
6. They tweet a lot.  One of my the more prolific ones, Jenna Haze (@jenxstudios) has tweeted 11,000 times in the past year.  That’s about 30 times per day.  And while that may be on the high end, most of the actresses I’m following tweet at least have that frequently.
7. They have the least sophisticated palettes of any human beings everywhere.  Want to see a porn star dining?  Check out Cheesecake Factory and P.F. Changs.  If Twitter is to be believed, they eat 60% of their meals at these two restaurants.  This conclusion was reached not only through their discussion of these places on Twitter, but also through firsthand experience as I have gone out with porn stars twice and when asked where they would like to eat, they have responded “The P.F. Changs” in Santa Monica.  Twice.  That’s 100% frequency for those of you keeping score at home.  If that’s not enough, go to one of these places at 3pm on a weekday.  The customer appears to be washed-athletes and some seriously skanky women.  Don’t shoot the messenger.
8. They don’t drink or do as many drugs as you would think.  They seem to smoke pot and drink wine at the end of the day, but who doesn’t?  That said, maybe that’s one of the things they aren't inclined to disclose on Twitter.  One of the girls I met at a P.F. Changs had just flown in from NYC and demanded a triple shot of Jaeger from the bartender.  When the bartender said he didn’t have Jaeger and didn’t serve shots, she read him the riot act about how long her flight was, so it’s possible the rumors are true, and they are often chemically dependent, but they keep that shit off Twitter.

Think there's more to the story?  Maybe there is.  Follow these lovely young ladies for a few months and see if they dispel any of the stereotypes you might have.  Also, they post tons of naked pics of themselves on Twitter, so there's that as well.  If you're into that type of thing.  And if you're reading an article on porn stars' Twitter habits, you probably are.