Chivalry is having the good virtues for all you meet rather than only those you want to impress.

And chivalry is doing more than what is noticed. When I notice a friend go off to work on the electricity in his house for instance, I will note where the closest breaker is. Fortunately I’ve never had to use rush to the breaker, but if/when something ever goes wrong I’d like to know that I know the quickest route to the breaker. And noting the breaker isn’t something that’s ever noted by my friends. They have no clue I do it.

I think there is room enough even in the 21st century for men to act chivalrous toward women and recognize that generally speaking, even if we aren’t as physically strong, we’re not lesser human beings. After all, no man can be here without a woman to bring him into the world. To me when a man shows that kind of respect he’s saying he understands the physical threat that men can pose, but as a gentleman, he’s learned self-control and is too decent to use it. I hate to put it in such brutal terms but that’s really where it comes from. People with any type of power should not abuse it and a man who respects women will not. That doesn’t mean a woman should not also hold doors and be polite. To me women’s liberation should mean that there are more opportunities to be courteous to each other, not fewer.

Men and women are equals, not equivalent. We’re different and we each bring something positive to the table. I see nothing wrong with formally recognizing those things.

If guys want to make women want them more, there is a world of literature and media out there that will teach you the *principles* and the *mindset* – because these are infinitely more important than doing chivalrous stuff like pulling out chairs – that women will want you for.

One thing I agree with though is that respect can go a long way, as well as paying attention, being fun, opinionated, responsive to her conversation. I don’t so much agree on the “letting women make the decisions” and that’s not because they can’t or shouldn’t, but because you will convey a stronger sense of alpha male characteristics by making them yourself.

If you’re going to say that that is something that only men do for women, you are admitting your sexism right there. I’m not trying to put women on a pedestal or make them seem greater than men (that seems to be what you are trying to do). I’m saying that on a date I want to be treated like an equal. Treat me like you would your guy friends or your sister. We’ll both feel way more comfortable. And as for being treated like a princess, that sets up these inflated ideals of a relationship that will make it fizzle out faster than a fourth of July sparkler.

In Europe, it comes as a total shock, when I pull out the chairs. (well, almost)

Just don’t get all nervous about it, and then kind of joke it. Like you’re “trying to be James Bond, but can’t, and she laughs at you, so you’ll laugh at yourself, but still pull out her chair”.

Not good enough man.

Just be all cool about it, like it’s just a part of you.