Filed Under | Relationships

15 Comments For This Post

1. simplekin Says:
   January 24th, 2008 at 5:07 pm

   I agree with all these points as doing these things will definitely set you ahead of the pack.

   Unfortunately, all of these gestures are associated with the “nice” guy image and may be perceived as a turn-off. To counter that, maintain very high self-confidence while showing chivalry and try to look at it as something that complements your character, but doesn’t define it.

2. Alex Kay Says:
   January 24th, 2008 at 11:37 pm

   Pulling out her chair is something that not alot of guys do - and this simple “move” can really score you big points with lots of girls.

   In Europe, it comes as a total shock, when I pull out the chairs. (well, almost)

   Just don’t get all nervous about it, and then kind of joke it. Like you’re “trying to be James Bond, but can’t, and she laughs at you, so you’ll laugh at yourself, but still pull out her chair”.

   Not good enough man.

   Just be all cool about it, like it’s just a part of you.

3. mahesh Says:
   February 1st, 2008 at 5:37 am

   it wa nice reading ur blog sir it gives meboost to keep up our confident i love to read more blogs from u about thank u sir

4. Melissa Says:
   February 24th, 2008 at 5:35 pm

   You can’t just say that all girls would like these things. I personally hate it when men do that type of thing for me. I can open my own car door, put on my own coat, and pull out my own chair. This stuff just seems so staged and cheesy. I just want a date to seem relaxed and natural. Act like you normally would, I would normally pull out my own chair and open my own car door. But you make a good point about not letting the door slam in her face. That’s the only thing you’ve got going for you there.

5. Christian Says:
   February 24th, 2008 at 11:52 pm

   @Melissa - Of course you should act as natural and relaxed as possible on a date and I have been known to change my style depending on the girl. I’m not saying you MUST do this stuff to be successful, but what I am saying is that treating women with respect and being gentlemanly will get you a long way. As long as it is done with sincerity and not because it is expected.

6. Daniel Says:
   February 25th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

   These points are all good but I agree, you have to get a good feeling for who you are with and how much of these actions she is willing to accept before it just feeling staged and awkward. Holding the door open is a no brainer, I agree, and even to an extent I like the point about opening the car door. I personally wouldn’t incorporate everything listed here in one date for fear of it looking like some cheesy act. I say mix and match every time you go out and keep it sincere.

7. Irish Road Says:
   March 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm

   Melissa quit being a Femi-Nazi and let a man treat you like a princess. Girls like you are the reason that Chivalry is dead. We know you can do it yourself. Just because you can and do, pushing us away in the process, does not make you a strong woman. Being strong in character does. So just take it as a compliment if a guy wants to do it for you.

8. Melissa Says:
   March 8th, 2008 at 5:29 pm

   Ha ha ha! I am far from a femi-nazi. I want everyone to feel equal. How would you feel if you were on a date, and a girl did that for you? Think about it that way. Holding a door for each other is a common courtesy that anyone would like. You wouldn’t want a girl to let a door slam in your face. But would you want her to pull out your chair, open your car door, and put on your coat?

   If you’re going to say that that is something that only men do for women, you are admitting your sexism right there. I’m not trying to put women on a pedestal or make them seem greater than men (that seems to be what you are trying to do). I’m saying that on a date I want to be treated like an equal. Treat me like you would your guy friends or your sister. We’ll both feel way more comfortable. And as for being treated like a princess, that sets up these inflated ideals of a relationship that will make it fizzle out faster than a fourth of July sparkler.

9. buster Says:
   March 10th, 2008 at 5:20 am

   Keep in mind that the woman who at first is quite charmed by your pulling out her chair, may not be so receptive when you offer to “push in her stool”

10. 8Man Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Melissa is the type of girl that will tell the ‘nice guy’, “Can’t we just be friends?”..

11. Tom Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    This barely even brushes upon the subject of how men should behave around and respond to women. I don’t think that subject has an end to it. I would say there is no one-stop guide or solution to men looking to increase how attractive they are to the opposite sex. Everyone is just too different, and you can see from the comments that already a woman has turned around and declared she would not appreciate this behaviour. “Staged and cheesy.” Nothing is concrete, nothing is 100% fact.

    If guys want to make women want them more, there is a world of literature and media out there that will teach you the *principles* and the *mindset* - because these are infinitely more important than doing chivalrous stuff like pulling out chairs - that women will want you for.

    One thing I agree with though is that respect can go a long way, as well as paying attention, being fun, opinionated, responsive to her conversation. I don’t so much agree on the “letting women make the decisions” and that’s not because they can’t or shouldn’t, but because you will convey a stronger sense of alpha male characteristics by making them yourself.

12. Matt Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    Guy, Open the door for her! Open her car door, carry things for her, leave a small note beside the mirror for her to find in the morning.. These little things are what keeps the flame lit in a relationship! It doesn’t even have to be anything that special.. Clean up the table after dinner and do the dishes without being asked to. You’ll be repaid later with dessert;)

13. Melissa Says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am

    8man- The only “nice guy” that I’ve ever met is my boyfriend. And we’ve been going on for about 3 months now. He’s not chivalrous or stereotypically romantic. The staged and cheesiness of it all comes from reenacting scenes of various romantic comedies instead of thinking of the girl you’re trying to win over. Don’t lie, you’re not all Lloyd Dobler, so don’t expect us all to be Diane Court. My boyfriend gives me the most heartfelt gifts and he doesn’t blow the bank and I’ve never seen a single candle or piece of Jewelry. He gave me his old hat, he made me paper cranes, he gives me vintage clothing and post cards from his favorite bands. We don’t give into the typical, we know each other well. And that is sexy. But then again, I was always more Secretary than Say Anything.

14. Shannon Says:
    March 13th, 2008 at 8:40 am

    @Melissa, I appreciate where you’re coming from, but the simple fact is guys who want you aren’t going to treat you just like another “guy friend” because you just aren’t.

    I think there is room enough even in the 21st century for men to act chivalrous toward women and recognize that generally speaking, even if we aren’t as physically strong, we’re not lesser human beings. After all, no man can be here without a woman to bring him into the world. To me when a man shows that kind of respect he’s saying he understands the physical threat that men can pose, but as a gentleman, he’s learned self-control and is too decent to use it. I hate to put it in such brutal terms but that’s really where it comes from. People with any type of power should not abuse it and a man who respects women will not. That doesn’t mean a woman should not also hold doors and be polite. To me women’s liberation should mean that there are more opportunities to be courteous to each other, not fewer.

    Men and women are equals, not equivalent. We’re different and we each bring something positive to the table. I see nothing wrong with formally recognizing those things.

15. Laiet Says:
    April 22nd, 2008 at 11:22 am

    Yes, all nice pointers. But it’s not limited to dating. I like to do all of the above for all who I know. Including my guy friends, my mother and my grandmother.

    Chivalry is having the good virtues for all you meet rather than only those you want to impress.

    And chivalry is doing more than what is noticed. When I notice a friend go off to work on the electricity in his house for instance, I will note where the closest breaker is. Fortunately I’ve never had to use rush to the breaker, but if/when something ever goes wrong I’d like to know that I know the quickest route to the breaker. And noting the breaker isn’t something that’s ever noted by my friends. They have no clue I do it.

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