If Americans want to beach themselves on a couch, failing to prove themselves smarter than 6th graders, allowing the remote to slide effortlessly through their orange Cheetoh-dusted digits, that's totally fine. Less competition for me at the bars. However, when these tubs can't even get mobile enough to step outside and walk their pets, there's a very real problem that goes beyond cute pictures of fat puppies. 

Dogs aren't goldfish. They aren't meant to live in close quarters without the light of day while you enter hour 11 of your Halo game. As a pet owner you have  duty to tend to the needs of your pet. Like walking them, and not feeding them the same crap you're pumping down your gullet. Which is why this WSJ article is so upsetting. A study to be released next week indicates that half of cats and dogs in America are overwieght or obese. This is leading to "diabetes, arthritis, kidney failure, high blood pressure and cancer." 

Two things to take away from the article: Active dogs need 30-60 minutes of outdoor play. Which, probably not coincidentally, is probably the same amount of activity that your cookie-dough ass requires. Also, don't leave your pet's dish full of food all the time. These are animals that were once wild and are genetically conditioned to eat whatever's in front of them because they don't know where there next meal will come from. 

Oh, and if you buy a dog treadmill, I will fucking kill you.