In news that was mildly upsetting the first time around, but not so much this time, Jessica SImpson is engaged to someone. A dude, probably. His name is Eric Johnson (which sounds a little made-up) and they've been dating for the past six months of so. The engagement came only a few days after her ex-husband and Newlyweds co-star Nick Lachey announced his engagement to longtime girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. Jessica seems to have gotten over her highly scrutinized relationship with Tony Romo, which made her the bane of Cowboys fans in her hometown of Dallas. Following that, she gained approximately 4500 metric tons of weight and tried to start a country western career in Nashville, two things I really don't recommend anyone does. While she's still a far cry from the the ditzy Jessica we fell in love with about 10 years ago (see below), she's looking pretty good these days and want her to know that if she ever starts granting naked interviews, we would love to spend twenty minutes with her discussing whatever the hell it is that she's up to now. At press time, her father, Joe Simpsons had not prepared a wildly inappropriate, creepy statement.