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A List Of Ways Sex Is Good For Your Health

Recently, there's been a lot of talk about the health benefits of sex for both men and women. For men, it's not like we really need a reason to have more sex. Let's just assume that, unless we hate our partners or are suffering from some indeterminate issues, we are going to try to have as much sex as possible, regardless of the health benefits (and possibly the detriments). 

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But, if you are trying to sell your wife, girlfriend, or whoever into having more sex, you can use these selling points. It might not be like owning a Porsche, but it certainly won't hurt your chances. Commit these to memory: 

1. Keeps Your Skin Healthy

Sex increases your circulation. Hence that glow after sex. If you have regular sex (the frequency is regular, not the sex, be as freaky as you want), your body will sustain that glow, making you appear even younger. Further, sex boosts collagen production, which means fewer wrinkles down the line. This could be a really big selling point if you're trying to sleep with an actress. 

2. More Sex Means A Stronger Immune System

This one's a little more academic, but more sex means production of more Immunoglobin A, which, as the name would suggest, bolsters your immune system. I dont think you'll be able to fight off malaria or anything, but you might be a little less freaked out about that sneezing woman on the subway if you're gettin' some on the reg. 

3. Your Heart Will Be Stronger

Men who have sex more than two times per week have been proven to have a lower risk of heart disease than men who have sex less than once a month. But don't rub it in; they're surely already bummed enough that they're not having regular sex. 

4. Clearer Skin

Sex balances our hormone levels (does that also mean it makes us less crazy?), which in turn clears our skin up. This is expecially helpful if you're trying to sleep with a high-school girl! Note: don't sleep with high school girls. 

5. Natural Pain Reliever

Sex releases oxytocin, a checmical that helps release endorphins and decreases pain, especially headaches. This also means that if a girl tells you she has a headache, she SHOULD have sex with you. Call her on that. It will make things really awkward for her as she has to find another excuse not to bang you. But who knows? Maybe she'll just give up and do it. 

6. You Lose Weight

It's said that you burn 170 calories per hour of sex, which I think is ridiculously low. You burn about 900 calories per hour running, and I'm WAY more spent after 10 minutes of sex than I am 10 minutes of running, so I'm going to go ahead and decide this number is more like 1200. Anyone have a problem with that? And remember: the more aggressive the sex, the more weight you lose, which means you'll probably have more sex cause you're so good looking. It's a wonderful cycle. 

7. It Strengthens Your Teeth

I guess this will only benefit the recipient, but semen, when absorbed (however you want to absorb it) is full of calcium and zinc, both of which prevent cavities and brighten your teeth. 

8. It Helps You Sleep

Oxytocin, that pain-relieving chemical, also knocks us out...naturally. So when you fall asleep right after sex, that's just God's will. You're not trying to weasel out of snuggling at all. That's just a happy side effect. 

So get busy and find yourself in perfect health! Why do you think Tommy Lee and Lindsay Lohan look so healthy? That's right! Cause they're both slutty! If you bang enough women, you're sure to live to be 100. And that's a Just A Guy Thing guarantee*.

*Not in any way an actual guarantee. 

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