Holy S*#t: The Most Sweartastic Movies Ever Made

If you like movies jam-packed with f-words and expletives, you’ll want to check out the most foul-mouthed films in movie history. It’s sweartastic.

It’s no secret that we love movies here at Just A Guy Thing. We like horror movies, generic guy films and guy flicks we haven’t seen before. However, we’ve never actually chosen a movie based solely on the level of profanity it contains. For a start, how would we know which movies were the most effin’ foul-mouthed? Well, those wonderful folks over at Kids In Mind have done just that, and a whole lot more too.

The site seeks to advise adults about a movies suitability for children, and it’s pretty damn comprehensive. What we love about Kids In Mind is that they pass no judgment on the nudity, profanity and violence that each reviewer bears witness to. Each category achieves a mark of out 10 and it covers everything from Dunstan Checks In (“Sexual innuendo; a towel-clad woman moans pleasurably while being massaged.”) to the one movie that scored a perfect 10 in each category, 70’s slasher, Halloween.

The level of detail is fantastic. Take Team America: World Police – “62 F-words and its derivatives, 12 sexual references, 9 scatological terms, 59 anatomical terms, 14 mild obscenities, 14 derogatory terms for homosexuals (some are in an ongoing play on words referring to the Film Actors Guild as F.A.G.), 1 derogatory term for African-Americans, 6 religious profanities, 15 religious exclamations (1 in French with no translation).” Somebody had to take the time to count and compile these facts. That’s comprehensive.

Only two movies had a level of swear words so high that the reviewers literally couldn’t count them all – comedy Fear Of A Black Hat (“F-words galore and other profanities, from the opening credits to the end, nonstop”) and the bare-breasted Madonna flick Dangerous Game (“Counting the F-words will force the viewer to miss the film. There is also a full range of scatological and anatomical terms”).

Here are a selection of the most foul-mouthed films in movie history (minus the two that couldn’t be counted).

Summer Of Sam

This New York serial-killer flick from Spike Lee is a furious foul-mouthed frenzy of expletives with a tally of “about 400 f-words” and a few homosexual and racial insults.

Alpha Dog

Ignoring the fact that the geek from The Girl Next Door got cast as a drugs dealer, Alpha Dog contains “310 f-words and it’s derivatives”. Pretty fu*king impressive, considering the movie was a total let down.

Running Scared

Guns, corrupt cops and a bag full of 267 f-words sounds like a recipe for success. That is, until you cast Paul Walker as the lead actor. There were also 4 derogatory terms for homosexuals – all of which were directed at Paul Walker by the cast and crew on the set.

Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction very nearly reached a perfect 10 across all categories, narrowly missing out in the sex stakes. (Although that gay …

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100 Great Movies Every Guy Should See

100 great films for every guy to see. Send your wife/girlfriend out to the salon to get her nails done and sit back to enjoy some amazingly manly movies.

For years now men have had to suffer in silence when taking their girlfriend or wife to the cinema. How often do you get to see that new Jackie Chan movie? And how often does she get to watch the latest 18th century drama epic? I’m guessing the epic gets the nod over the guy movie every single time! Fear not my poorly treated comrade, help is here.

Men know that violence beats sex (marginally) and war beats peace! We turn our noses up to movies that are too serious or sensitive. When we stick a DVD on we want to hear explosions, laugh our ass off or bask in the beauty of gratuitous nudity! In addition to that, we want – no, better still, we NEED – movies that allow us to recite the dialogue from memory days later (“Heeeerrrresss JOHNNY!”). This behaviour will no doubt attract disturbing looks from women and children, but recite a line to another guy and you’ll see him nod in silent appreciation.

With that in mind, we’ve compiled a list of 100 great movies that every guy MUST see. Take your masculinity back, and start watching.

1. Casino Royale (or any other James Bond movie for that matter)

James Bond: Casino Royale

Fast cars, sexy women, sharp suits and high stakes poker. All very manly things which, when combined with the presence of Daniel Craig, make a really great movie.

Best line in the movie: “Now the whole world’s gonna know that you died scratching my balls!”


2. Terminator

The Terminator

Originally offered the leading human role in this movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger decided that playing a bad ass robot sent from the future to kill was his destiny. And so he swapped swimming trunks, body lotion and homoerotic poses for a leather jacket, a gun and some black shades.

Best line in the movie: “I’ll be back.”


3. Die hard

Die Hard

Nothing says hardcore like a hero running around on broken glass in bare feet and smashing through windows on a firehose. Bruce Willis literally wrote the book when it comes to action (we’ll forgive his mild indiscretion for playing a dead guy in the Sixth Sense).

Best line in the movie: “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!”


4. The Last Boy Scout

The Last Boyscout

When a movie has murder, strippers, sports, crooked politicians and stars Bruce Willis as a washed-up cop – you know it’s going to be good! This movie doesn’t disappoint. Trust me.

Best line in the movie: Bad guy: You think you are so fucking cool, don’t you? You think you are so fucking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain…” Bruce: “Play some rap music. “


5. Top Gun

Top Gun

When the lead character has a butch name like Maverick, it doesn’t matter that he’s being portrayed by short-arse Tom …

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