Image by Randy Son Of Robert

I’m always on the lookout for gifts and gadgets which satisfy my inner geek. I like things original and innovative and not just the typical Nintendo Wii or Apple iTouch or whatever the latest fad is.

With that in mind, here’s a guide to all things unique. Maybe you’ll see something you like for yourself or one of your geeky friends!

The Rubik’s Cube

The Rubik’s Cube was my absolutely favourite toy as a child. It’s challenging, fun and a must-have collectible. Apparently there are 43 quintillion possible moves with only one possible solution. The aim of the game is to twist and turn the cube in order to make every side a solid colour. Of course, as a kid I just used to peel off the stickers and cheat. There are a few sites you can visit to find out how to solve the puzzle as well.

Buy a Rubik’s Cube now for just $9.20.

Voodoo knife holder set

This 5-piece knife set comes with a voodoo doll style holder. Perfect for those of us who sometimes feel like stabbing someone but don’t necessarily want to go to jail for it. It comes in a variety of different colours, although I personally think that the chrome version is the nicest of them all.

Buy the entire set now for just $99.95.

Credit card bottle opener

I know it’s more manly to use your teeth to rip off the bottle cap but in the long run this will preserve your teeth and looks good too. With this handy tool you can reach into your wallet and remove a bottle top with no molar implications. You’ll also be the coolest geek at the party. Congratulations.

Get a set of five for you and your friends for a mere $6.95.

Dart coat hooks

If you’ve ever been caught playing darts indoors by your wife or partner, you might want to consider using this darts coat hooks to try and disguise your dart playing. Put them up in the area you usually play darts under the pretense of “adding more room for coats and jackets to keep the house tidy”. Then you’ll not only benefit from hanging your darts team cap on them, you can also pretend to your partner that the extra dart in the wall is another coat hook. Honest, dear!

Grab a set of arrows for $31.95.

Magnetic desk dots

I used to play for hours with gadgets like these as a child. I like to think it’s the reason behind my magnetic personality, but perhaps I’m just delusional! Either way, these are a great addition to your desk. They keep things neat and tidy and can help to reduce stress during the day by playing with them. I love them.

Magnetise your desk for only $21.95.

The IT Crowd: Version 1.0

One of the funniest TV shows to come out of the UK targeted at the geek audience. Trapped in the basement (the IT department) of a huge company, Roy and Moss spend the majority of their days discussing geek-related stuff and playing guitar hero. If working in IT was really this much fun, I’m sure I’d be doing it myself.

Buy The IT Crowd for $29.63. [DVD is in PAL format so will only work on unlocked DVD players - most geeks should have one of those. I know I do.]

Swiss Army Knife with USB storage

I actually thought it was impossible to take something as incredibly manly and useful as a Swiss Army Knife and turn it geeky, but it appears someone has. By adding a 2GB USB storage device to a knife which contains a nail file with screwdriver, scissors, key ring, LED mini-light, and retractable ballpoint pen, Victorinox has provided something that is not only useful, but also incredibly geeky.

Get your geek knife now for $87.95.

Staple-free stapler

I remember back in school this crazy kid who took a stapler, put his finger under it and slammed down as hard as he could with his other hand. The horrific aftermath of that incident has made me fearful of staplers ever since. Luckily, some kind-hearted geek has created a staple-free device which means no more nightmares. It’s cool and fun to use.

Get your staple-free stapler for only $7.95.

ThinkGeek Products

Anything you buy at ThinkGeek will be wonderfully geeky, useful and all around awesome. Just a couple of examples of geek chic products are the USB Wireless Rocketlauncher, the LED-faced Tengu and the Extreme Office Crafts book to cure boredom. They literally have hundred of awesome stuff for geeks of all shapes and sizes.

Check out ThinkGeek today and get your geek on.

Stay tuned for the second part of Gift Guide For Geeky Guys (And Girls). In the meantime, let us know what your favourite geeky gifts are in the comments.

Image by maveric2003 *Image changed because she DID look like a 10 year-old girl!

A lot of men struggle with the basic concept of flirting. I’ve seen it myself with friends looking to hook up with a girl in a bar who tried everything in their tired and clichéd arsenal of pick up lines. Believe it or not, the following quote is not going to help you get the girl:

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

Source: CO-ED Magazine

The main problem guys have with flirting is that they relate it directly to sex. If I flirt with the girl for long enough, she’s more likely to have sex with me. Women, on the other hand, view flirting as nothing more than some harmless fun with no determined end-game.

The differences between male and female flirting

Dutch-born psychoanalyst Manfred Kets de Vries blames the male super-ego. “A man behaving selfishly will ignore the implicit conduct of flirting in the blatant pursuit of sex.” He’s basically saying that if we were in a cave, the man would fling the woman over his shoulder and stomp away.

As far as human behaviours are concerned, flirting is the one that confuses us most. According to evolutionary psychologists flirting is man’s way of engaging pleasurably with a member of the opposite sex, with the ultimate goal of reproduction. Now call me crazy, but most men looking to pick up a girl are not thinking about having children with the woman! Regardless, women view flirting as a way of checking out the merchandise without compromising their virtue. So women use flirting to get attention, and men use it to initiate sex - but how do you untangle this web of crossed wires?

The key to flirting successfully

You’d think that common sense might help you to flirt more successfully, but you’d be wrong. And here’s why. Dr Antonio Darmasio, MD and head of neurology at the University of Iowa, claims that the reason it all goes wrong is because the process of flirting actually mimics brain damage. “The limbic system, responding to a cue that says ‘this person is attractive’, overrides the neo-cortex. Therefore, for a brief moment, we are completely out of control.” Now this quote won’t hold up in court should you ever get too out of control with a girl but it does explain why we struggle to flirt.

Understanding the brain’s response to flirting should help us to engage with women on their level, rather than as a covert operation to get naked with her! Here are some ideas for flirting successfully without coming across like a sex-crazed lunatic:

• Keep contact to a minimum. Nothing is more powerful in the flirting world than well-timed and placed body contact. Touching a woman should be the same as using your Diesel Fuel For Life aftershave. Use With Caution! If you overdo it, you’ll appear overbearing and creepy. The best times to engage physical contact are when you’re standing together or when putting her coat on. When standing together you can lean in close and place your hand on the small of hear back, as if you were telling her a secret. Putting her coat on at the end of the evening allows you to lift her hair up over the back of her coat. Very subtle and sensual but she will notice.
• Avoid over-confidence. If you’ve got all the right words and know exactly what to say to get her interested in you, there is a danger that she’ll take you as one of those slippery guys who have played women one too many times. She’ll be imagining you as the guy who flirts for sport and prefers the thrill of the chase to the catch. I’ve known a few of these cads myself and although he was successful with the women, it never amounted to more than a one night stand. That’s not being a man at all.
• Don’t play it too cool. Some guys prefer to take the ‘mysterious and cool’ approach by appearing dark and brooding from afar. This is all well and good but be aware than you have a limited window of opportunity to talk to her before you turn into the weird stalker who won’t stop looking at her. Another downside to this method is the tendency to sit and watch as other guys attempt to talk to the object of your affection. Don’t sit and sulk in the corner giving the death stare to any man who dares talk to your woman. You’ll come across as jealous and lacking in self confidence. Both unbecoming character traits. Instead, enjoy your evening and when she is available, just head over and talk to her. It’s really not rocket science!
• Don’t flirt with every girl in the bar. Women talk. With their friends and with strangers at the bar or in the toilet. Find a girl you’re interested in and focus on her. If it doesn’t work out then you might need to move on to the next place to find somebody else. Women will be extremely wary of a man who she has seen talking to other women in the club. You may be a masterful flirt, but you’re seeking an audience and in the end you’re only amusing yourself and are not really that interested in any of the women. They’ll pick up on it and before you know it you’ll be known as the annoying guy who sends dirty text messages an hour after meeting someone in a bar.

Technology and it’s impact on flirting

Technology has added an entirely new dimension to the flirting game. You can now use text, e-mail and instant messenger to flirt, but you find yourself trying to become a wordsmith to formulate the perfect combination of words. It’s now a digital minefield as well. However, I think that if used correctly, communicating in this way can help you to become more successful. Here’s why:

• You have time to think about your message. Rather than being put on the spot in a face-to-face setting, you have time to put together a message or a reply without having to do it immediately. This removes the pressure and allows you to flirt more effectively.
• You can be more open via text. Things you would never dare to say in person can now be said through a message. The beauty of this is that if she takes it the wrong way you can say it was a joke but the message didn’t convey the sarcastic tone intended (yes, I have used that before to get out of an inappropriate text) or you can be a little unscrupulous and just never speak to her again.
• What you say in text messages often becomes what you say in real life. Back in the single days I was a bit of a master at the whole text flirting game, regularly with 4 or 5 women texting me at any given time. As my confidence grew, I found there was a great deal of transference from my text game to my face-to-face game. I was more open, more outrageous and more confident and the end result was that approaching women was easier and more successful than ever before.

Now, obviously I’m not a psychologist or psychoanalyst but I am a self-taught flirt with a lot of experience and a lot of success. My final advice to you is to flirt wherever you can. Build up your confidence talking to waitresses, barmaids, checkout girls, or even your friends mother! There’s no harm in flirting and it will boost your confidence so that when you meet someone you really like, you know what to do.

If you’ve had some great flirting experiences or know a method that’s worked wonders for you in the past, then let us know in the comments.

Image by guy paterson

Proper tipping etiquette is still a trait rarely found in modern men yet, when perfected, it can actually become quite enjoyable. It’s a selfless act of giving to others based on the level of service you’ve received. A lot of these people get a pitiful wage and the tips they get go a long way to supplement their income. Make them happy and you’ll be looked after. Annoy them and you’d be best advised to eat your meal with caution!

Tipping like a Gentleman

Tipping really is an art form and when you’re giving your tip you want to be as discrete and gentlemanly as possible. Hand over the tip with your palm facing down and shake hands with the person you are tipping, simultaneously placing the money in their hand. What you want to avoid doing is waving the money around and making a big deal of it. You’ll look like an idiot for starts and if that isn’t enough, you’re going to make the person receiving the tip feel uncomfortable because, believe it or not, you’re coming across like a condescending jerk. You’re not throwing a treat for Fido here.

So how do you figure out how much to tip? Well the truth is there are no tipping rules per se, however there are guidelines which suggest how much is appropriate to give. Let’s investigate.

The restaurant waiter/waitress

This is the one that causes most debate because there is no hard and fast rule. It is also made even more difficult by waiting staff who have lost sight of the fact that a tip is a gratuity and is not actually required. As a guideline though, I’d say you can safely use the following without a disgruntled waiter spitting in your salad:

• Self-serve/Buffet restaurant - 10-12%. If the service was fantastic, you could up this to 15%.
• Local restaurant - 15%. Again, you could up this by a few percent if the server worked particularly hard or went out of their way to help you.
• A 4-star restaurant - You’ll want to tip the maitre d’ as you’re being seated, particularly if you’re a regular and he/she goes out of their way to reserve you a table or get a table when the restaurant is busy. The standard tip here is anywhere from $20-100. For the service of the meal itself I’d recommend a tip of around 20-22%. Don’t forget to tip the wine steward (a few dollars per bottle of wine) and/or the coat check attendant ($1 for a couple of coats).

Taxi driver

Unless you want to annoy the Travis Bickle-esque taxi driver by stiffing him on a tip you’d better go ahead and give 15% of the fare.

Hair salon

You want to make sure your hair looks as good as possible and tipping will ensure that your hair stylist gives a polished cut. They’ll also be more likely to look after you next time you visit too (I’ve been given a free colour before simply for tipping well). An acceptable amount is somewhere in the region of 10-15% of the cost.

Hotel staff

There are a number of staff members at the hotel that can make your stay very pleasant or a living nightmare depending on how you tip them. Here’s who you should tip and how much to give them:

• Chambermaid - $5 per night you stay. That is, if you want clean sheets, towels and plenty of toilet roll.
• Room service waiter - Again this is the standard 15%.
• Bellhop - If you let the bellhop carry your bags up to your room and show you around said room without giving them a tip then you’re going to hell. Tip them around $10-15 for their efforts.

The casino

If you’re going for a night out at the casino, you better be prepared to tip. Of course if you’re a professional gambler (or just extremely lucky) you’ll be able to tip from your winnings.

• Blackjack dealer - $5 chip (or more) per session. It’s also common place in casinos for the players to place a small side bet for the dealers. You can agree the amount with other players but a $1 chip is usually sufficient.
• Craps dealer - Those craps dealers love the action as much as you. It’s common to place up to a 10% side bet for the dealer.
• Poker dealer - $5 per session. Winners usually tip at least $10 and sometimes as much as 10% on bigger wins.
• Drink waitresses - $1 chip per drink.

Parking attendant

You don’t want some juvenile attendant ruining your prized Bentley Continental because you didn’t tip the lad, do you? On second thoughts, why would you let a juvenile attendant park your prized Bentley Continental unless you’re asking for trouble?

You should tip, at the very least $1 ($5 if they help with your luggage) but I would tip a little extra to get a better level of service. Perhaps $10-15 to make sure they don’t take it for a joy-ride á la Ferris Bueller. Oh, that reminds me, always check the mileage of the car before handing it over to a parking attendant!

But what if I don’t want to give a tip?

There are some occasions where you feel unjustified to give out a tip, but let me tell you why you should.

• The food was terrible. If the food was terrible, then complain to the manager (you might get a discount on the bill) but don’t take away the tip from the waiting staff because you’re punishing them for someone else’s mistake. Chances are they worked very hard for you and to not reward them would be unfavourable.
• The service was below par. If the service was below par then you should tip at a lower rate than normal. Usually, I’d speak to the waiter I’m tipping and politely explain the reasons for the lower tip. Just make sure you’ve eaten all your food before you tell them!
• You are a stingy and grumpy old man. So you don’t want to tip. Why not? You’re rewarding someone for doing good work. How would you feel if your boss decided to not give you the pay raise you’ve been asking for or taking your bonus away from you just because he felt like it? As the old saying goes, “Treat other people the way you expect to be treated yourself.”

Oh and for those of you wondering how to deal with people who flat out ask you for a tip. I like to go with the following:

Yeah, I’ve got a tip for you. Never eat yellow snow.

What’s your etiquette for tipping? Is it more or less than I’ve suggested? Also, if you’ve got a great tipping story from a restaurant for example, let us know in the comments.

Image by bo sultan

Everybody loves a decent horror movie. Some people get off on the blood and guts and mucus spilling all over the place, while others prefer to cower uncontrollably in the arms of a loved one. Whatever the reason for watching a horror flick, there’s no question that a decent film with plenty of gore can entertain an audience like no other genre.

With this in mind, we’ve compiled a list of the top 5 Gory Movie Moments.

#5. Girl gets her eye cut off in Hostel

The plot

Three backpackers meet a Russian man in Amsterdam who tells them about a Slovakian hostel full of American-loving, promiscuous women. Like most men, the guys follow their penis to Slovakia for fun and fornication.

The scene

Do you remember how you felt when you first saw her eyeball sagging from the nerves after she’d met the unfortunate end of a blowtorch? How about when the guy doesn’t know what to do and decides to cut it off? Personally, I was shaking my head in utter disbelief and I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or turn away! The oozing puss was really just the cherry on top of the whole thing. Although I didn’t particularly rate the movie, this scene shows that a tiny bit of bodily puss can be more effective than blood and guts.

Video of the scene [not for the squeamish]

#4. Uncle Frank gets hooked in Hellraiser

The plot

Lunatic Frank Cotton purchases an antique puzzle box from a dealer in Morocco. When he solves the puzzle, chains fly out of the box and tear into his flesh. Then a guy with pins in his head, the aptly named Pinhead, restores the room. Hidden in the depths of the room, Franks soul is restored by a drop of his brothers blood. Frank then encourages his brothers wife Julia to bring him more bodies to restore himself.

The scene

The final scene in Hellraiser is cinematic gore at it’s very finest. Sick and twisted Uncle Frank has almost restored himself, having killed his own brother in the process, and is about to kill his brothers daughter Kirsty. Unfortunately for Frank, the demons are back and he gets ripped to pieces by dozens of hooked chains tearing into his flesh and pulling him apart. Even with hooks pulling his cheeks apart to make him look like the Michelin man, Frank still manages to lick his lips in the way only a creepy Uncle can, before uttering the immortal line, “Jesus Wept.”

Video of the scene

#3. Rhodes being torn apart in Day Of The Dead

The plot

The third movie in George A. Romero’s Living Dead series is a zombie assault on a military establishment. Essentially, the zombies sweep through the underground compound, killing scientists and soldiers as they go. One of the scientists had been working on a zombie named ‘Bub’ to study how much of his mind was still human. Commanding officer Captain Rhodes doesn’t like it and kills a few doctors before fleeing and leaving his own men to die.

The scene

After getting shot by Bub, Rhodes tries to escape through a door which inevitably leads to a load of zombies. You know what’s going to happen when he opens the door but poor old Rhodes hasn’t got clue. He gets tagged in the gut by Bub and the zombies grab him from behind. What’s great here is the stretching of the skin right before he literally gets ripped into two pieces! All of his blood and guts ooze out in what is a very graphic scene indeed. Another great moment is when Bub gives him the military salute before leaving him to get devoured. Classic.

Video of the scene

#2. The torture scene in The Audition

The plot

A middle-aged Japanese man by the name of Aoyama who lost his wife seven years ago is urged by his 17-year old son to start dating women. The father and his friend (a film producer) hold mock auditions under the pretense of auditioning for a new film, so that they can find a suitable bride for him. As soon as he sees the beautiful Asami, with her soft voice and quiet confidence - he falls in love.

The scene

This entire scene is just a fantastic piece of torture and pain. To say that Asami is unstable would be the understatement of the century and when she finds a photo of Aoyama’s dead wife, she flips a lid and spikes his drink. Upon waking, he finds that he has been injected with a drug that disables his muscles but keeps his nerves alert. The tension in this scene is amazing as Asami sticks large pins deep into his body and eyelids. As she tortures him she tells him that he will never be completely hers and that she will kill his son. The kicker in this scene is when she pulls out the sharp wire used to cut meat and bone and wraps it around his foot. If you haven’t seen this movie, you really need to. The scene shown below is 8 minutes long but if you want to jump straight to the wire incident, skip ahead to 5.25 on the video.

Video of the scene

#1. Lionel chopping up zombies in Dead Alive/Braindead

The plot

Lionel is a young mama’s boy living in a normal neighbourhood. That is until his evil mother gets bitten by an infected rat-monkey (don’t ask). She gets sick and dies. But then she comes back to life as an undead zombie and begins killing and eating dogs, nurses, friends and neighbours - infecting residents of the town in the process. Lionel is the only one who can stop her…and them!

The scene

Holy blood-and-guts-fest Batman! This scene has it all. Lionel waltzes into a house full of zombies with a lawn mower strapped around his neck and nonchalantly proclaims, “Parties over!”. What ensues is a blood bath of arms, fingers, ears, noses, and heads as he plows through the zombies like a man possessed. Over 300 litres of blood were used for this mammoth scene of zombie slaughter. Keep a look out for the random head that gets shoved into a blender and set to juice mode. It’s sheer brilliance. I’d love to see what kind of zombie comedy type movie Peter Jackson could come up with if he were given a Lord Of The Rings sized budget.

Video of the scene

Obviously there are numerous horror movies with plenty of gore-tastic scenes to feast on so if you’ve got a list that differs to ours then leave us a comment listing your top five goriest movie moments and spread the love blood.

Image by coldmountain

While I regularly talk about improving your physique and becoming more manly, there are occasions when more modern, metro-sexual principles are appropriate. In this case - grooming. Now I’m not saying that you need to stock up on fake tan lotion and start painting your toe nails (both of those are entirely personal choice!) but what I am saying that timing is everything when it comes to your grooming habits.

So let’s look at the best time to groom yourself and why.

Scrub your face the night before shaving. A lot of men use facial scrubs right before they shave, not knowing that shaving itself actually exfoliates the skin. A better idea is to use a scrub the night before and avoid the extra aggravation to your skin.

Shave 10 minutes after waking up. When you wake up, your face is puffy due to a build up of fluid overnight. Leave it 10 minutes to subside and you’ll have a smoother surface to work with. Also, the ten minutes will give you enough time to wake up properly so you don’t cut your own throat with the blade.

Apply your fragrance before you moisturise. To ensure your fragrance lasts as longer as possible don’t simply spray it on with a crop duster - you’ll just make women gag! Instead, apply a normal amount to your skin first. Leave it a few minutes and apply your moisturiser. Well hydrated skin holds the fragrance for longer - which leaves you smelling fresh as a daisy all day long.

Style your hair before it’s dry. The best time to apply your new extra-strong wax is when your hair is damp. Too wet and you’ll dilute the product, making it look crap. Too dry and you’ll look like you got out of bed on the wrong side! Towel dry your bonce and wait 10 minutes before waxing it up.

Brush your teeth before breakfast. Most people, myself included, have grown up brushing their teeth after breakfast. That was until I discovered that drinking fruit juice with an acidic pH value damages the tooth enamel. Now I brush before breakfast. Although I do have to leave it for ten minutes because orange juice tastes vile after you first brush your gnashers.

Moisturise last thing at night. Water loss through the skin is greatest at night so you’d be better off applying your cream or lotion before going to bed. It’s also more beneficial when you’re crawling into bed because the cream will be better absorbed in a warm bed.

Treat a spot before bed. Got a zit? Apply your cream or treatment before going to sleep. This gives it time to go to work without the skin having to deal with pollution and UV exposure.

Use an anti-aging cream at night. Yeah, yeah I know it’s girly but the skin switches to repair mode at night, which makes it the best time to reverse skin damage. Plus, we’ll all be old one day, but we might as well make it look good!

If you’ve got any great skincare tips or secrets that keep you looking hunky and masculine then please drop us a message in the comments so that we can all benefit from your wisdom. After all, there’s nothing much more satisfying than being a wingman to a less fortunate guy.

Image by borghetti

Men are widely known for their straight talking and tell-it-like-it-is attitude. But sometimes, us gentlemen say things that we really do not mean. Things that more often than not, get us into trouble. It’s written into our DNA. We have to protect our manliness at all costs. If it means bragging about scoring with a porn star you met at a strip club - then so be it. We never reveal the truth that we were actually escorted from the premises for trying to ‘fondle’ said porn star! So what common things do we say and not mean? Let’s investigate.

15. I want to learn a new language. Do we really want to learn a new language? The majority of people struggle to perfect the Queen’s English and the advent of social media sites such as Facecrap has only made it worse. You’re not going to become the voice of your generation simply because you’re talking Italian!

14. “Let’s put the tip in, just for a second to see what it feels like.” As if! This is standard practice for deflowering women the world over. There was never going to come a point when we said, “Right okay, that’s not working for me. I’ll just pull it out and put my clothes back on.”

13. “I’m only having one drink tonight, lads.” Men are genetically incapable of having just one drink at the pub! One pint quickly progresses into karaoke madness, arm-wrestling competitions, a quick fumble in the toilet with the porky barmaid we swore we’d never touch and ends with us declaring our undying love to our best mate!

12. “It’s not you, it’s me.” This is the biggest lie ever uttered by man. Even women have got in on the act and are now using it as a way to dump us! The truth is - it is you but I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You’re too fat, crap in bed, you moan all the time, your friends are hotter and you smell really bad.

11. “Yeah, Dog Day Afternoon is a masterpiece of directing.” This doesn’t particularly apply to Dog Day Afternoon, but any movie that comes up in discussion down the pub that you haven’t seen! We try to blag our way through the conversation despite knowing nothing about the film, the cast, the plot or even what constitutes a masterpiece of directing!

10. “We need to catch up soon over a pint.” Don’t you just hate bumping into that annoying twat from school who was the sports star, ladies man and all around nice guy! The only way to get rid of him short of a shotgun is to agree to meet up soon. Preferably, when hell freezes over.

9. “Your new girlfriend is lovely mate. Really nice.” Well, what else can you say? “I know you’re lonely since the love of your life dumped you for her yoga instructor, but you need to set your standards a little higher than a woman with more facial hair than ZZ Top!”

8. “Give me the hottest curry on the menu. NOW!” In a desperate bid to show our manliness, we try to convince ourselves that shoving a vindaloo down our throats is the best way to establish our male dominance. In reality, we’re crying on the inside!

7. “I’m rethinking my career choices.” Every now and again we get a little jaded with our worklife and decide to research the possibility of joining an Alaskan crab-fishing crew. Obviously, we get bored quickly and check to see if anyone posted a comment on our zany “Get Me Out Of This Office” blog.

6. “Keep that up and I’ll phone the police.” We know we won’t call the police. We’d have to repeat the post code ten times to the operator, have to let the fuzz into our home to ask us questions and then watch as they drive away - never to hear from them again. Besides, chavs measure their success through ASBO’s so really, what’s the point?

5. “I’ll pay you back mate, I promise.” To be fair, this is half true. We will, eventually, pay you back. Once we’ve paid off our 50″ LCD-HD telly, our yearly subscription to The Adult Channel, our gym membership and our brand-new Audi S3.

4. “Of course I’m listening to you, dear.” This is usually followed by a few caveman grunts and a nod or two. We’re not really listening but we are paying just enough attention to not get caught watching the football while you describe, in excruciating detail, everything that happened to you today.

3. “I’m not like other guys. I don’t kiss and tell.” This is a loop-hole in the dating system that men have exploited for years. Technically, we don’t kiss and tell. When we’re bragging to our mates about shagging you in the back of the car, the last thing we’d ever want to tell them about is the kissing!

2. “She’s just a friend.” Yeah, she’s just a really hot, big bosomed, nymphomaniac friend. Who are you trying to kid, chief?

1. “Oi! You and me, outside, right now!” In a desperate attempt to solidify our dominance in the presence of another alpha-male we try to bluff our way out of it by calling them out! For the love of God, why?? Chances are he’s going to answer your bluff with one of his own. The best you can hope for is that you’re both regretting your decision and when you get face to face, you have a bit of a shout, a few shoves and maybe beat your chest in that ever-so manly way before your mates mercifully pull you away!

What’s missing then gents (and ladies)? Drop a message in the comments and we’ll add them in.

Image by locke15

When someone mentions the name Chuck Norris, what is the first thing you think? If you’re anything like me you’re thinking how much of a legendary bad-ass he is! And with good reason too. The bloke is a martial artist and a Hollywood action star. He’s reached iconic status for his tough guy image. So let’s look at what makes the man, born Carlos Ray Norris, so manly.

What makes Chuck Norris so manly?

• His childhood was tough. He was bullied by kids at school, his old man was a heavy drinker and he was unathletic and shy! You can tell a lot about the strength and character of a person by the childhood they had. Chuck learned very early on that if you want to get ahead you need to be fit, strong and avoid the sauce.
• He’s got a black belt in Tang Soo Do. Getting a black belt in the Orient is a sign of manliness indeed. Chuck went to Korea a boy and came back a man. Research suggests that his rise to manliness was accelerated through the complex carbohydrates found in Korean rice.
• He was in the Air Force. Being a patriot is manliness personified. Risking life and limb for your country is a testament to the courage and bravery of the man. Also, wearing the Air Force uniform drives the ladies wild. Hell any uniform to be fair!
• He held the Professional Middleweight Karate Champion title for 6 consecutive years. He stumbled in his first two fights - which he lost - but he then went on to become a bad-ass fighter. The title he held was the non-contact title. He was unable to compete in full-contact martial arts for fear that he may kick his opponents head clean off their shoulders with his legendary roundhouse kick. His final martial arts record was 65 wins and just 6 losses (all of which he avenged with a fatal roundhouse kick)
• He became a prominent Hollywood star in a plethora of action movies. Leading men in action movies are manly. Fact. You need to command an audience and display strength and reliability. Chuck had these attributes and more. Rumour has it that on the set of Way/Return Of The Dragon, he actually taught a cleaner on set the basic martial arts moves needed to make fight scenes look authentic. The studio later hired the cleaner to play the starring role in the movie. His name was Bruce Lee.
• He is a very family-oriented man. His adult sons still hug and kiss him goodbye. A proper man’s man should love his family and treasure them above all else. This is one of the truest displays of manliness, in my opinion.
• He invented his own martial art. Chun Kuk Do is a martial art created by Norris which combines the basic principles of Tang Soo Do with elements of every other art he knows. How effin’ manly is that?

If that little list of manly treasures wasn’t enough for you, then listen to this. Chun Kuk Do includes a code of honour and rules that Chuck himself lives by:

1. I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways. Like a Royal Marines commando, Chuck strives to always achieve more and do more. A true man understands that he is never complete. There is always room for growth.
2. I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements. One of the most important tests in a man’s life is coping with mistakes. Chuck aims to put them behind him and learn from them.
3. I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family. Once again, his love for his family is shown to have great importance.
4. I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile. Compassion for other people is a rare trait in todays world. Modern men should try to renew the values of the past and treat others as they would like to be treated themselves.
5. If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing. A lot of men tarnish the reputation of an entire gender through arrogance, aggressiveness and impoliteness. Silence is golden.
6. I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own. Jealousy is very unbecoming for any man and, if nothing else, should be avoided simply because it turns women off!
7. I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness. Keeping an open mind can lead to greater personal development and growth. It might also get you that threesome with your girlfriends hot new room mate too!
8. I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times. Respect is a two way street. If you give respect, you will receive it.
9. I will always remain loyal to God, my country, family and my friends. While you may not believe in God, you should have something or someone to believe in and remain loyal to. Our beliefs give us reason to achieve our goals.
10. I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself. Nobody wants to coast through life with no goals or aims. Keeping your goals at the forefront of your mind will make it all the more satisfying when you achieve them.

That’s a pretty manly code of conduct right there. Even chivalrous knights would struggle to match that! So, do you need more proof that Chuck is the most manly man alive? Okay, then lets look at the competition.

The challengers to Chuck Norris’ Most Manly Man Alive award

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Why he is a rival: He won 5 Mr. Universe and 7 Mr. Olympia titles. He also compared working out to ejaculating which is quite possible the most manly analogy in the history of men!

Why he doesn’t beat Chuck: Any man that dons a thong, rubs ridiculously dark fake tan all over their body and then proceeds to pose on stage is not deserving of the Most Manly Man award.

Mr. T

Why he is a rival: He was a soldier, a bouncer, a bodyguard, a WWF/E wrestler, a martial arts student and an (almost) professional NFL footballer. He donned a mohawk and more jewelry than an entire Tiffany’s store!

Why he doesn’t beat Chuck: Chuck would never play a character who is afraid to fly! What a sissy!

Sylvester Stallone

Why he is a rival: The underdog story of Rocky Balboa is one of the most inspirational and motivating movies ever made; men the world over became more masculine simply through listening to the theme tune!

Why he doesn’t beat Chuck: Stallone has to inject testosterone. Chuck Norris IS testosterone.

What do you think? Could Vin Diesel take on Chuck Norris? How about Jackie Chan or Jason Statham? Can anybody be more manly than Chuck Norris? If you think so, drop a message in the comments and let us know your thoughts. Before you post, just remember: Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

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Image by hackmancoltaire

Image by The Book of Biff

I haven’t had a splinter since I was a troublesome young boy who made dens and treehouses in the woods. That was, until the other day when I had this nagging, dull pain in my thumb. I looked down and it was one of those annoying ones. Really small and really deep. It was parallel to the skin’s surface too so getting it out wasn’t as easy as just pushing it up from the bottom!

Unlike Biff above, however, I decided to not go overkill and removed the little bugger as easily as I possible could.

Three simple steps to splinter removal

First off, the splinter may actually be forced out naturally by your body. But if, like me, you’re an impatient guy who wants it sorted right away, here’s how to go about it.

1. Wash your hands thoroughly before removing the splinter. Not only will this prevent nasty infections, but it will also soften your skin so that it’s easier to get the splinter out.
2. Sterilise a needle and use it to open up the skin enough to grab the annoyance with a pair of tweezers.
3. Grab the end of the splinter with the tweezers and back it out of the skin. Wash the area and you’re done.

More difficult splinter removal

Removing a splinter is easier than cracking a joke about Britney Spears going off the rails again. But sometimes, the splinter will find it’s way too deep to reach, or worse still, behind a nail.

• Splinter behind the nail. If the splinter is behind the nail, the best thing for you to do is go to the doctor and see if he can cut the nail away to remove it. If you’re a badass, you can do this yourself. Also, if you’re a tough guy, you can just leave it until the nail grows out and forces the splinter to the surface.
• Organic splinter material. Organic splinters such as animal spines and plant thorns are much more likely to cause infection or toxic reactions. Look for signs of infection. Redness, swelling, oozing pus, and severe pain are all signs you may need amputation. Only kidding! But you may need to see a doctor for some drug-related treatment!

If you’ve got a man-related problem that you’d like to know how to cure, please leave a comment or contact us detailing your ailment (be it life-threatening or otherwise) and you might see an article show up that answers your prayers - so to speak!

Image by tappitake

We all know that over a period of time, our wardrobes accumulate a large number of unwanted, unfashionable, and unsightly clothes that for whatever reason, we wouldn’t be caught dead in! It’s very easy to keep piling up the mess and when it starts to spill out onto the bedroom floor a good solid push will send the tat straight to the back of the wardrobe. Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve done it myself on many occasions.

So, without further ado, here’s how to separate the stylish threads from the charity shop-bound junk.

8 simple steps to banish bad clothes from your wardrobe

Step 1

Throw everything you own onto the bed! It will make it much easier to sort through. Now you can clean out your wardrobe and replace those old, nasty wire coat hangers (that absolutely destroy your clothes) with wooden ones; half a dozen for your suits and maybe a dozen for your shirts.

Step 2

Store your gym/holiday clothes separately so that you’re not always going through piles of unsuitable clothes whenever you’re looking for something to wear. Ideally, you can put them in an under-bed storage bag. Also, if you can, keep special occasion clothes elsewhere too. Perhaps a separate wardrobe.

Step 3

Match up your ties with your shirts. Unless you’re going to buy a shirt especially for your stray ties that don’t currently go with anything, you can just go ahead and throw them away. I find it simplifies things by hanging appropriate ties over suitable shirts to save time when it comes to getting dressed.

Step 4

Banish anything that you haven’t worn in years, doesn’t fit, still has a price tag on (unless it’s brand new, obviously), that needs repairing or is only good for decorating in. There’s no sentiment in fashion, so don’t get attached to your clothes.

Step 5

Make sure that everything that’s left still goes with at least three other items - even if one of those is a plain white t-shirt. Bin all items that go with nothing else. (Or store them if you’re still having a bit of trouble letting go!)

Step 6

Buy replacements for items you know you look good in. Write down a list of items you look good in, clothes you need to create new outfits and any basics you need more of.

Step 7

Keep an eye out for clothes that need maintenance. Keeping your clothes looking good is as important as what you wear. Take care of missing or loose buttons, creased fabrics, worn shoes, and faded colours. If you’re not particularly fussed about eliminating old clothes, you can always buy replacements instead.

Step 8

Take some time to look at the banished clothes before you throw them out. This is the time to assess your mistakes so you don’t make them again. Why did you buy them in the first place and why didn’t you wear them? It might make you less inclined to impulsively buy something you’re never going to wear next time.

The final thing worth mentioning in your Great Clothing Clear Out is banishing clothes moths. There’s nothing worse than pulling out your prized cashmere sweater to find that it’s been devoured and destroyed by a clothes moth. Fight back with cedar moth balls, pheromone traps and good old-fashioned hoovering/vacuum cleaning.

Also, moths are attracted to grease and sweat. When packing away winter coats, sweaters and so on, store them in vacuum storage bags.

So what are you waiting for? Declutter your wardrobe and banish those bad clothes today!

I’d like to hear your best spring cleaning stories in the comments. What terrible and embarrassing articles of clothing have you found hidden in the dark corners of your wardrobe? Any novelty ties (perhaps with flashing lights)? Or have you seen your favourite sweater violated by an evil clothes moth? Let us know.